I CANNOT stress enough how important this is.
We all have our own ways of expressing and receiving love. If you and your partner(s) aren’t “speaking the same love language” all of your best intentions are for nothing.
So, how do you know what your love language is and what your partner’s love language actually is? The best description I can give you is this:
What you give is actually what you need.
For example, when I’m stressed out, I need to be left alone to process. When I need physical care or touch, I will go to my partner and express that. However, when my partner sees I’m stressed out, His first instincts are to hold me and physically soothe me. This gets me more stressed and we were having a lot of friction because we weren’t speaking the same language. Conversely, when He’s stressed out, He needs to be held and touched. I wasn’t doing that because it’s not what I would want for myself so it never entered into my head to do it for someone else.
See my point? What you give is always what you need.
Once my Dom and I were able see what the other person needed and to seperate and step away from what we ourselves needed, it became much easier to communicate in our own individual love language.