Tag: Babygirl

Guidelines On Beginning Healthy Relationships After Prior Traumatic Experiences

October 4, 2016

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*Originally written and posted to Facebook on January 22, 2016.

When people are subject to abuse and trauma in a relationship, they tend to build walls around themselves to prevent further hurt in similar future situations.  We as humans survive due to the effectiveness of our defense mechanisms.  We have learned to be cautious of certain behaviors and activities because we have been hurt in the past and don’t want to experience that pain again.  That’s a natural and normal reaction to being abused.  

Sometimes, however, those walls become so high that the walls themselves prohibit our growth and healing.  Instead of seeing the walls as appropriate cautionary reminders, we see them as inflexible guidelines by which to live the rest of our lives.  No matter the circumstances, we can fall into the trap of repeating old patterns and behaviors, even if they no longer serve us because at one time they did serve us very well.

So how do we begin to trust again and truly heal from old patterns of abuse and trauma once we find a person who is worthy of a healthy relationship?  These tips are in no particular order and I feel that we as survivors revisit each of these aspects over and over again as we heal and grow in our newfound positive relationships.

Time.  

We first need to be worthy of a healthy relationship ourselves.  Now, let me explain.  We’re ALL deserving of healthy and stable relationships but until we’re able to begin to participate in a healthy relationship with another person, we should refrain from embarking upon them.  We need to take the time to deal with our own emotional trauma, to be able to examine our own baggage of guilt and shame and to begin to forgive ourselves for our mistakes so we can start to value ourselves once again.  

Change the tape in your head.  

Sometimes we need to learn how to respond to people without letting our past cloud our view.  It can be difficult to evaluate each relationship for what it is instead of what we fear them to be.  Fear can be healthy…but it can also become crippling if we allow it to be.  Think of all the good things in life you would have missed out on if you had been too afraid to try.

Readjust your radar.  

We need to realize that the fear that once served us is no longer applicable in every situation.  If we’re honestly trying to change our behaviors, we need to realize that other areas of our lives will be influenced by the changes we’re making.  Benefitting from those changes include understanding that the signals we give off to others are changing and as a result, the caliper of people that are attracted to our lives will begin to change as well.

Stop taking everything so personally.  

When we experience hurt, the trauma carries over into every other aspect of our lives.  Our perceptions are clouded by our experiences.  In order to truly begin to heal, we need to realize that just as our reality is tainted by our experiences, so the reality of others is tainted by their experiences as well.  Not everything someone else does or says is always about us…and truthfully, even when it is about us, it’s not our issue to overcome.

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.  

We are only responsible for what we say and how we say it.  We aren’t responsible for what another person hears or how they relate to the information we pass along to them.  In turn, we are responsible for accepting the truth in our relationships and that includes hearing unpleasant aspects of ourselves and adapting our behavior to more appropriate behavior if those aspects are actually rooted in truth.

Give yourself a break.  

In the quest to become the best person we can be after surviving trauma and abuse, we are going to make mistakes.  Probably several mistakes.  Own up to your mistakes when you make them.  Apologize for them.  Try your damnedest not to repeat them.  That’s literally all we can do.

Realize that change, and the happiness that will follow, is possible.  

The only sure thing about human nature is that we are capable of change if we want it bad enough.  We are all deserving of safety, peace and happiness.  Attaining this state takes hard work.  It means analyzing past behavior and making adjustments when necessary.  It means doing the self examination to work through difficult, unpleasant and sometimes even painful emotions.  It means knowing that their IS light at the end of the tunnel and knowing that you’re worthy of happiness.

These are just my personal thoughts and feelings about how to proceed in healthy relationships after experiencing abusive relationships.  These words are what I’ve found to be true along my own personal journey.  

What tips on beginning healthy relationships after prior traumatic experiences would you add to this list and why would you add them?  I’d REALLY like input from both Dominants and submissives (and switches!!) on this post because as much as we discuss all the ways that Dominants help their submissives heal, we’d be remiss to assume that submissives don’t help their Dominants heal as well.  If this topic applies to you…and i think it applies to most…i’d love to hear your opinions and personal experiences.  There’s no right or wrong in healing, after all…

~Beautifully Broken~

​My Daddy Dom Moves Mountains For Me (NSFW)

August 8, 2016

Daddy gives the absolute best head I’ve ever had.

Okay,  I know that was blunt, but i have to make you understand where I’m coming from here.

I mean this Man goes *in*.  He pays attention to every silken crease and fold, every inch is explored and devoured before He is sated.  Our bed is always soaked in saliva and pussy juices afterwards.

Daddy went down on me the other night.  He was incredible.  He kept edging me, leading me back up to the crest…and pulling me back down the wave, over and over again, without me losing focus and getting all frustrated.  I just let my body go and instinctually respond to Him, knowing implicitly that I would recieve whatever He was trying to give me during that encounter.  I just simply let go and gave every part of myself to Him.

All the stress about our daily finances, all the tension of me being in an employment holding pattern until Fall when school starts, all the grief over my friend’s overdose and all the deaths of old friends that i have suffered this year…it all just rose to the surface and washed out to sea as the rolling waves He created on my clit swayed me, cradling me, keeping me safe, as it all drifted away from me.

I remembered how complete I felt during our last maintenance spanking scene and i hugged Him tight, in acknowledgement and thanks for Him finding a new way to elicit that much needed response from me when our maintenance spanking sessions just aren’t possible right now.

Daddy knew i needed that kind of therapeutic release and He figured out a wonderful way of delivering that to His girl.  That Man doesn’t run from a problem, He faces the mountain.  Even when He cannot get around the mountain at hand, He doesn’t give up.  He simply finds a way to move the mountain out of His path instead.  Daddy moves mountains for me every day…and I adore Him for it ♡

~Beautifully Broken~

What Is a Little?

July 31, 2016

BDSM is made up of a broad and vast spectrum of roles, identities and dynamics.  No where is this more visible than when discussing a “little”.   A little is a person who most often submits, either through their actions in a BDSM scene or within their personal mindset by means of a power exchange.  Littles can range from child-like to childish in their appearance and their behavior, both in and out of the context of BDSM.  Littles come in every shape, size, race, ethnicity, sex, gender and mindset.  The mere thought of trying to categorize us all has been daunting…and it has taken some dedicated time to write out here…but after getting some more insight from others within the community, I think I am beginning to understand the differences among all of the various types of littles, even the differences with which I do not agree nor endorse for myself.

Just a quick note…

When we are discussing any aspect of BDSM, and that includes littles, I am ONLY talking about consensual adults of legal age, whatever that may be for your area.  Personally, I don’t discuss BDSM with anyone under 18 years old and Daddy and I won’t play together with anyone who is under 21 years old, but that’s just O/our personal morality on the subject.

Recently, there has been an explosion on social media of adolescent girls and boys, from 11 to 17 years old, who are attracted to what they think it means to be a little and they claim to identify as such.  I assure you, they do not.  They cannot.  They are children, children who are playing at a very dangerous game, within a reality filled with adult scum who are more than happy to take advantage of all that pre-teen and teenage angst and melancholy, pretending to love and care for the adolescent, online and by phone, so they can take advantage of someone who they perceive to be “weaker” as they easy to manipulate and control.

SUCH A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT BDSM, IT IS NOT AGE PLAY, IT IS NOT ROLE PLAY NOR IS IT AN EXAMPLE OF ANY TYPE OF A BDSM CAREGIVER RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC.  

PRACTICING BDSM OR PARTICIPATING ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH MINORS IS IMMORAL AND ILLEGAL.

PERIOD. 

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s move on to the categorization of those amazing creature called “littles”.

Age Players vs Lifestylers

As I’ve previously stated, there are many variations of littles and the first method of categorization is to distinguish between those littles who are age players and those littles who are lifestylers.  While some littles may identity as a mixture between the two, almost all littles gravitate towards one or the other.  Being a little is either something you pretend to be during certain times or something you are all of the time.

Age Playing littles are the role players.  These people are only ‘little’ during certain times, with certain people and/or for specific purposes.  A person may choose to emotionally regress and exhibit their age playing ‘little side’ during a scene or for an evening and then they have the capability to turn it “off” and resume their normal day to day life as a mature adult when the specified time period is over.

Lifestyler littles are ‘little’ all of the time, even in their daily lives, to one degree or another.  For a lifestyler  little, being ‘little’ is a mindset and part of their core personality, rather than a role that they slip in and out of at their discretion or upon command.  Lifestyle littles may or may not emotionally regress as their constant state of mind can potentially make regressing obsolete.

Types of Littles 

  • Adult Babies

Adult Babies (AB) are the “youngest” type of little, usually exhibiting the behaviors of a newborn to 2 years old.  They can either role play as an adult acting as an infant or they can emotionally regress back to their “baby space”, the desired state of mind where they are inhibiting the headspace of an infant.  This desire to behave, dress and be treated as an infant is called infantilism.  Infantilists are driven by the need to feel safe and secure at the most primary level, having their most basic needs of food, shelter, cleanliness, warmth and love met by their Caregiver.  Adult Babies are the “submissive” partner in a Caregiver relationship dynamic because they receive that sensation of well being but the power exchange is much more driven by meeting the needs of the Adult Baby (or the “bottom”) rather than satisfying the desires of the Caregiver (or the “Top”).  The Caregiver counterpart to the AB can take whatever name the participants desire for the dynamic within a “parent/child”, “student/teacher” or other such caregiver paradigm.  While some ABs enjoy sexualized scenes when they are in “baby space”, the majority of them do not engage in any sexualized kinks athe all while in this headspace.  Adult Babies are not interested in nor do they condone any acts of pedophilia.  The appeal of the Caregiver relationship paradigm for many people is the express consent which is required in order to participate in such a bonded dynamic.  ABs may seek to reclaim their personal power after a history of sexual abuse during edge play scenarios with their Caregiver, if the trauma occurred very early on in life and the mindset is similarly applied,  but this type of exploration is at the sole discretion of each dynamic and should only be attempted in a safe and loving environment after completing thorough research and discussions.

  • Diaper Lovers

Diaper Lovers (DL) are often categorized with Adult Babies because they can share some of the same memtal/emotional/behavioral traits, but that’s where the similarities stop with Diaper Lovers.  DLs may or may not emotionally regress but for the Diaper Lovers, the desire is linked to the aspect control involved in the power exchange.  DL scenes can become highly sexualized and include other aspects of BDSM, such as bondage and discipline.  The participants in the dynamic may be scene only, 24/7 or anything in between.  They may subscribe to an M/s, D/s, switch power exchange and/or Caregiver dynamic.  They may share a diaper fetish which can increase the appeal to delve further in other aspects of control and sexuality in other BDSM edge play scenario, such as water sports and scat play.

  • Littles

Littles are next in line along the age regression, mental and emotional functionality and fetish chart.  Littles can range from 2 to 11 years old and can be further divided into “young littles” (2- 6) and “older littles” (7-11).  Both young and older littles can be both age playing role players as well as lifestyler mindset.  “Little space” can range from an exaggerated…and greatly extended…role play scenario to a quiet calm within while participating in childlike activities.  Some littles are into pacifiers and bottles but many leave that to the ABDLs.  Littles almost universally enjoy coloring, we find it therapeutic, although our choices in coloring pages and artistic mediums will vary greatly.  Scenes in “littles space” are almost entirely non-sexual among younger littles but sexualized scenes are common among older littles, whether they are role playing age players or maintain the lifestyler mindset.

  • Middles

Middles are the ‘teenagers’ of the littles.  Middles range from 12 to 17 years old, in various combinations of mental, emotional, behavioraland spiritual presentation.  Middles are usually always lifestyler mindset orientated but there are some who role play as a middle for specific periods of time and under certain conditions.  Middles are usually extremely sexual, to the point of being overt, in their scenes with their “Top”, “Big” and/or Caregiver, usually a (wo)man who is older than (s)he and facilitates the power exchange, be it D/s, switch or symbiotic Caregiver.  Middles may also be more prone to enjoy sadomasochistic activities within their dynamics more than some other types of littles.

  • Baby Girls/Baby Boys

Baby Girls and Baby Boys are a product of the Internet age.  Baby Girls and Baby Boys are most often found on online, on BDSM/kink/fetish pages and groups, using terrible grammar and outrageous spelling to convey their bratty, and often outright disrespectful, sentiments in chat conversations.  These are the littles who subscribe to a power exchange only if they are in fact the ones in charge.  The Daddies, Mommies or other such counterparts are driven near mad with the Baby Girl’s/Boy’s neediness and constant need for absolute attention, attention that can very well entail listening to baby talk for hours at a time.  These are the types who thrive on brattiness and lack any desire to submit, for whatever the motivating factor, and their “Big” Caregivers have to follow tow or quickly move along, sometimes after being accused of abuse due to “sniffling the exploration of (the female’s) baby girl side”.  There are always exceptions to every rule but this type of little does not see brattiness as a character flaw.  The Baby Girl/Boy is in complete control of this dynamic.  The relationship is driven by sexuality, exploration and debauchery and may very well include a ‘Daddy kink’ in addition to whatever power exchange and/or Caregiver paradigm they primarily pratice…or the Daddy Kink could be the entire motivating factor behind the relationship.  This dynamic can be based on an absolute lie or the god’s honest truth…but the chances of it ever coming to successful fruition are slim because of the physical and emotional boundaries contained within the foundation of the relationship itself.  Rarely are both parties actually seeking long term commitments, despite decrying otherwise.  The Baby Girl/Boy is seeking control and the counterpart is happy to oblige, turning the dynamic compleyely bottom-driven.

  • Babygirls/Lolitas

The Babygirl/Lolita type of little is perhaps the most sexually explicit of all the little submissive archetype described here.  The Babygirl/Lolita is the maiden, the sacred whore, the priestess, the ritual font from which all carnal knowledge is drawn, the Acolyte and even the Goddess Herself.  A Babygirl/Lolita is also about a display of submissive power, however this power is submitted to the Caregiver counterpart who takes the form of the priest, the sacred masculine and even God Himself.  These archetypes of Dominance and submission are ancient and sacred, repeating thru history to deepen the spiritual connection attained through the flesh.

  • Pets

     Pets can be classified as littles too!  A pet is a “bottom” who assumes a submissive role when behaving like an animal, usually an adorable kind of animal, like a kitten or puppy.  Pets can be of a role play mindset or a lifestyler mindset and it’s not uncommon for both types to overlap within one person or dynamic.  Pets may retain human qualities or give themselves over completely to their Owner/Caregiver, again, depending on the situation and/or dynamic. 

    The exact name that a little is given or takes for themselves can vary greatly from the ones listed above but each archetype description of the behavior and characteristics of a little stands firm.  Littles may submit, they may play at submitting, they may role play sexual submission or they may not submit at all, preferring the dominant role in their dynamics, or preferring none whatsoever.  For every type of little, there is a Big counterpart, no matter which type of dynamic they enjoy.

    ~Beautifully Broken~