Above everything else, BDSM is a mindset.
BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is an abstract construct which encompasses all of the physical acts of both sexual and non-sexual dominance and submission. Many people have asked what it takes to keep a BDSM relationship going long term, in both scene-only and 24/7 dynamics. The answer is simple.
It takes dedication.
We all have busy lives. Pursuing careers, responding to family obligations, fulfilling volunteer work, raising children, keeping in touch with friends and family, satisfying household responsibilities are issues we all face. We all have learned how to juggle our commitments very well.
Unfortunately, keeping so many different balls in the air sometimes means that other areas get neglected. It happens. However, making time for those relationships and activities which are important to us needs to be just as much of a priority as everything else we do in our busy day. There’s a saying which states, “If it matters to you, you will find a way. If it doesn’t matter to you, you will find an excuse”. I think this saying definitely applies to our Lifestyle relationships.
We make time for what is important to us. Plain and simple. If you have to get the kids to bed early so you and your SO can have a quiet S&M session, do it. If you have to find childcare so you and your SO can go on a weekend getaway a few times a year, do it. If you have to wake up early so you and your SO can have some uninterrupted shower sex before cooking breakfast, do it. Be creative!! Have fun with your scheduling. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking scheduled sex and scenes kills the romance. Ya know what does kill the romance? Not having the time for any sex or scenes!! It’s all about your shared mindset. If you both want it bad enough, make it happen.
Okay, so you say you desperately want to make time to play with your SO but every time a scheduled sex and/or scene arrives, one of you isn’t in the mood. What then? Well, obviously things come up and life gets in the way…but sometimes you need to push past those feelings in order to get into that BDSM mindset. Sending naughty, or downright dirty, texts to one another throughout the day will ignite your passions so much that you’re counting the minutes until your scheduled session later that evening. Inserting an anal plug and/or adorning nipple clamps under your clothing as you finish work, per your D-type’s orders, can help you leave Type A Personality Woman at the office and more easily transition to His Stupid Whore by the time you arrive Home. Listening to selections from the BDSM music playlist from your last session on the way Home from work can help you shake off your shitty day and help you transform back into the Dominant you know you are. If it matters to you, you WILL find a way. If not…well, you know where this is going.
What are some ways you and your SO make time to nurture and evolve your BDSM relationship? Can you share any tips you have learned that might help others?