A Glimpse of The Evolution of Edging

August 29, 2016

“Sometimes I Need Reminding, But It Gets Easier…” was the original title of this post…because sometimes I do…and His tongue always reminds me.

I’ll be honest here.  I used to get VERY snippy and frustrated when Daddy wouldn’t allow me to climax for more than 2-3 days.  By Day 5, I could be a straight up bitch.  I know that sounds awful…but it’s something I’m still working on after all this time and I’m much better at controling my  emotions now.  For me, keeping my libido in check was MUCH harder when we were long distance…just having Him around every day for snuggles, hugs and kisses helps a lot when He decides it’s ‘Blow Job and Back Rub Week’.  Daddy never goes for more than a day without blowing His wad…unless He’s in one of His ‘Tease and Deny’ moods…and He almost always gets an hour massage before going to sleep every night so constantly touching Him is usually the release I need if He is denying me.  But.  Some night.  Some nights, touching and massaging Him, alone together, in the dark, is enough to drive me positively mad.  I know, I know…it’s not about me…but i still need to have my internal coping mechanisms for such situations.

Sometimes it amazes me how far we’ve come in just 2 1/2 years.  When we began our relationship, I was very insecure about so many different things…myself, my prospective relationship with Him, anything having to do with my future and my sobriety…I was a wreck.  Daddy walked with me in Spirit every single day, from across the country, while I worked to get my life back on track.  Along the way, I helped Him break through  some walls that He never thought were coming down.  We loved each other enough to let us each become the people we were always meant to be.  It’s rare when you find that…everyone wants you to change for them.  Here, we were changing for ourselves…and that’s why the changes stuck.

Now, since Daddy’s living here with me, I don’t get too bad when Daddy wants to deny me.  I don’t get angry, offended or upset, like I used to do that first year of our LDR.  I understand and appreciate our dynamic much more clearly.  Plus, when He finally allows me to cum…it’s not just sex, it’s a spiritual experience.  Phone sex was fantastic when that’s all we had to express our intimacy and lust.  Visits were wonderful but they were always foreshadowed with knowledge of their eventual end.  All of that is finally behind us.  Daddy’s Home now…and being in O/our bed together every night is…perfection 💙

~Beautifully Broken~

DIY BDSM Project: Sensory Play Leather Tacked Vampire Gloves

August 15, 2016

​You don’t need to be a millionaire to have your own amazing room filled with BDSM equipment!!  Make some yourself!!

Sensory Play Leather Tacked Vampire Gloves…

Yes, Soft Limit or Hard Limit?  Check out this post before the name scares you away!  😉

These tacked leather gloves can be used for several types of scenes and BDSM-related activities, such as sensory play, impact play and even blood play.  They are very simple props and they’re highly effective at achieving any of the desired effects, depending upon the personal preferences of the parties involved.

They’re a very simple and fairly inexpensive DIY project for even the most un-handy of kinksters (pun totally intended!!).  All you will need to create these gloves are: 

1.  a pair of leather gloves

2.  a box of thumb tacks

3.  hot glue and/or fabric glue

4.  a wooden or plastic dowel.  

That’s it!  You can have your own pair of amazing BDSM gloves in just a few simple steps:

1.  Turn the gloves inside out, using the dowel to fully turn the fingertips.  

2.  Press the thumb tacks through the fabric, with the pointed end poking through the leather, away from the wearer’s skin and toward the reciever.  

3.  Once you have the desired amount of thumb tacks pressed through in the patterns you desire, glue them all down on to the fabric part on the inside of the glove.  

4.  Allow the glue to dry.  

5.  When the glue is completely dried, you can use the dowel again to push the fingertips completely back right side out so you don’t scratch or poke yourself.  Unless, of course, you’re into that kinda thing…  😉

Definitely one of the easiest DIY BDSM toys/props I’ve come across so far, hands down!  (I’m so punny!)

Would you like to experiment with these sensory play leather gloves?  Would you be able to make a pair (or two!) for you and your partner(s)?  How would you like to use these gloves in a scene…? For sensory play, impact play, blood play?  What’s your opinion?

~Beautifully Broken~

​My Daddy Dom Moves Mountains For Me (NSFW)

August 8, 2016

Daddy gives the absolute best head I’ve ever had.

Okay,  I know that was blunt, but i have to make you understand where I’m coming from here.

I mean this Man goes *in*.  He pays attention to every silken crease and fold, every inch is explored and devoured before He is sated.  Our bed is always soaked in saliva and pussy juices afterwards.

Daddy went down on me the other night.  He was incredible.  He kept edging me, leading me back up to the crest…and pulling me back down the wave, over and over again, without me losing focus and getting all frustrated.  I just let my body go and instinctually respond to Him, knowing implicitly that I would recieve whatever He was trying to give me during that encounter.  I just simply let go and gave every part of myself to Him.

All the stress about our daily finances, all the tension of me being in an employment holding pattern until Fall when school starts, all the grief over my friend’s overdose and all the deaths of old friends that i have suffered this year…it all just rose to the surface and washed out to sea as the rolling waves He created on my clit swayed me, cradling me, keeping me safe, as it all drifted away from me.

I remembered how complete I felt during our last maintenance spanking scene and i hugged Him tight, in acknowledgement and thanks for Him finding a new way to elicit that much needed response from me when our maintenance spanking sessions just aren’t possible right now.

Daddy knew i needed that kind of therapeutic release and He figured out a wonderful way of delivering that to His girl.  That Man doesn’t run from a problem, He faces the mountain.  Even when He cannot get around the mountain at hand, He doesn’t give up.  He simply finds a way to move the mountain out of His path instead.  Daddy moves mountains for me every day…and I adore Him for it ♡

~Beautifully Broken~

There Is No Such Thing As a True Dominant (Or a True Submissive Or Anything Else, For That Matter)

August 8, 2016

This meme is incredibly accurate…especially for a meme.  Dominance (and submission, for that matter) is a state of mind above than anything else…much more a state of mind than it is something sexual or even kinky.  My Daddy and I can be in a crowded room, full of non-Lifestylers, and all He has to do is give me a two second look and my body viscerally reacts.  My pulse quickens and my breath draws in more shallow.  I can instantly hear His voice in my head, actually saying whatever needs to be communicated in His sexy, deepened voice and I literally start to melt.  And, yes…I know what ‘literally’ means.  That’s what I’m talking about when I proudly title Him with the honorific as my Dom, my Daddy Dom, my Daddy, my Sadist, my Other, my Love…He is both inside my head and inside my heart.

Daddy and I are  practicing a 24/7 Dominance/submission (D/s) Caregiver dynamics in our home together.  We have come to title our dynamic as such because we are a “Daddy Dom/babygirl” caregiver paradigm as well as D/s.  Some Daddies and littles do not subscribe to the D/s power exchange at all, opting only for the caregiver aspect, so I will usually make that distinction.

Daddy and I have had hours of discussions about what works for us as individuals and as a couple, in terms of intimate wants and needs, emotional boundaries, sexual limits and desires and both short and long term goals for the future.  We know one another very, very well.  We have come to a place in our relationship where it’s easier to talk about the uncomfortable emotions and just be real with each other.  It’s not always easy but it is worth it.  I think that the biggest downfall of any alternative lifestyles relationship dynamic is when the parties have differences in their wants, needs, limits and desires because that creates unmet expectations.  Unfulfilled expectations can be devastating to one party while the other party does not even know that there’s any issue going on in their partner’s(s’) mind and heart at all.  

Some people form the foundations for these unfulfilled expectations even before the ever meet their partner!!  

For example, let’s say I am new to the BDSM scene.  I have done my research online and discussed personal experiences on topics of which i have personal interest with others through reputable Internet groups and I have gone out into my local community to begin to form a network of friendships.  I have already decided, in my own mind, exactly what a “real” Dom looks like…and I have done this strictly from my own inaccurate impressions from books and articles as well as on my own unexperienced expectations of what Dominance, submission, and BDSM at large, actually are.  

If the above list is what works for you right now, that’s great.  However, no one can expect everyone to subscribe to their wants, needs or belief systems.  At this point, a new kinkster is all about BDSM Fantasy instead of BDSM Reality because they simply do not know any better.  A person who is new to kink will already have unrealistic perceptions of what participating in BDSM is all about…and to make matters worse, they usually expect everyone in the Lifestyle to agree with them.  It just doesn’t work.

Your perception of what a “true” or “real” Dominant, submissive, Top, bottom and/or switch is will not match up with the realities of others.  You cannot expect them to do so.  It takes time and experience to understand that YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is O.K.).  In other words, just because you are into something that I’m not into, it doesn’t make your desires “bad”, it just makes them not for me.  This concept extends from inclinations towards sexual activities, predispositions to kinks and fetishes as well as desires and limits regarding interpersonal relationships and/or participation in any BDSM dynamics.

One of the most commonly overlooked aspects of BDSM is the vetting, questioning and interviewing of potential partners.  People need to remember that not every person will be into what you’re into so it’s important to take the time to find someone who is.  

Let me repeat that:  

It takes time to find a compatible partner.

Talk about your wants and needs with your potential partner(s) without shame.  Discuss your goals and limits with honesty and integrity.  Be true to yourself.  Allow others to be true to themselves without degradation or expectations.  Understand that just because something doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work wonderfully for others.

A final point worth mentioning…

Honorable BDSMers come in all shapes and sizes.  One size does definitely NOT fit all in this Lifestyle.  That said, there ARE people who hurt and abuse others.

THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT PRACTICING BDSM.  THE ARE PRACTICING ABUSE.  Plain and simple.

When we label people as “true” and “real”, especially on social media, we set up an impossibly inaccurate standards to which others are forcefully made to adhere, even if just in our own minds.  It’s unfair, biased and unrealistic to do this.  There are definitely people who try to act like kinksters from every corner of the Lifestyle, but they are not practicing consensual, responsible BDSM.  They are also the ones who hurt, abuse, rape and kidnap others for their own sick personal gratification.  These people hide among us, but they are not practicing BDSM and I think it is very important that distinction is made.  BDSM is all about CONSENT and people who hurt and abuse others do not have that consent.  The two concepts are miles apart.

Vetting, questioning and interviewing of potential partner(s), with the help of tools such as various BDSM checklists for activities, kinks and fetishes, is your most powerful asset as you navigate through the Lifestyle.  Taking the time to ask, research and answer these types of discussion prompts is yet another asset.  Don’t become frenzied as you search for prospective partners, take your time and learn to know with whom you are dealing…or even if you care to deal with them at all.

~Beautifully Broken~

Addiction and Loss: My Friend Died Last Week

August 7, 2016

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I lost a long time friend on Thursday night.  I met Dave when I was 15 and he was 17.  His wake is Tuesday and the funeral services are being held on Wednesday.  Wednesday would have been his 42nd birthday.  

Dave was an addict and alcoholic from the moment I met him, almost 25 years ago.  I met him at my then-boyfriend’s house…Dave was selling him some acid.  That’s what he did.  He sold the good drugs.  The rare drugs that came in from Florida, not just NYC.  EVERYONE knew Dave.  He was well liked and popular in every circle of friends I had back then.

Dave dated friends of mine, he shared houses with other people I knew, he knew every single one of my boyfriends, including my ex-husband and even lived with us for a short time.  Daddy is actually the first man I’ve ever dated that Dave didn’t know well…and now they will never meet.  

Dave was just always around.  And now he’s not.  And I don’t know how to process that.  I have so many memories of this man that no one will ever understand the significance of but me.  And that hurts.  A fucking lot.

Dave never took advantage of me, as a woman or as a friend.  He never tried anything on me like all the other guys did.  I never even kissed him.  He wrote me a message on Facebook once that read I was everything he ever wanted in a woman but he knew he would have fucked it all up between us and he valued our friendship more than he would risk trying for anything else.  

I know that Dave was a tortured soul who is no longer in pain and I’m happy for that.  I’m also happy that he went peacefully, in his sleep, and just never woke up again.  I am grateful for that.  He was always teaching me lessons and his last lesson is still seared into my mind…I truly am one of the lucky ones.

I know Dave knew I was one of the lucky ones too.  He watched me devolve from a weekend bump of coke to an 8 ball to snorting heroine to finally banging it into my veins.  He even asked me what the fuck was wrong with me as he saw my promising life crumbling.  He didn’t care about his own life, even 10 years ago, but he cared about mine.  He sat with me in the NICU when my second son was born and told me I was a wonderful mother and he was proud of me for getting and staying sober.  But he could never do it.  And it finally caught up with him.  

Fuck, Dave.  What the fuckin’ fuck, dude???
You were the big Brother I never had.  And I will miss you until I see you again.  Rest well, my wonderful friend ♡

~Beautifully Broken~

New Endeavors…

August 7, 2016

Let’s see if sex and art are really the same thing.
I’m starting a new business as a personal consultant for sex and relationship advice.  I’m definitely excited for this newest endeavor of mine and I’m sure that it will take off like a rocket!!

~Beautifully Broken~

Menstrual Blood Play and Menstrual Blood Worship 

August 4, 2016

*Originally written and posted on Facebook on May 2, 2016.

Many people believe that menstrual blood play and menstrual worship are strictly for Dommes and male submissives…but in my dynamic we throughly disagree.  Menophilia is not only a favorite kink of ours but it is also extremely sacred to us and it is an important aspect of our dynamic for many reasons.

Menstrual blood play can include many activities within our dynamic.  We engage in all types of sexual activities and practices when I’m menstruating and we look forward to this time of the month with great anticipation.  Painting one another with my blood, ruining clothing and bedding with my blood, drinking my blood as well as collecting my blood in vials to be worn or stored for Pagan rituals are other key aspects.

Menstrual worship, for us, is all about honoring the sacred feminine and acknowledging the power of creation.  My Dom will care for me in several ways, including making sure any pain is managed, keeping me in hot tea before I even ask as well as telling and showing me how desirable I am to Him, especially when I’m bleeding.  Later this morning, He will collect my menstrual blood in a vial and divide it up, some to be used in an upcoming moonlight Pagan ritual in which we will participate and some to be stored in a pendant vial which He will wear on a chain around His neck.

Everyone has very personal and distinctive feelings regarding menstrual blood play and what is a turn on for some is distasteful to others and that’s perfectly fine.  How do you feel about menstrual blood play and worship?  Are they acts you engage in within your dynamic?  If so, what aspects of this type of play are important to you and your partner(s)?

~Beautifully Broken~

Spicing in BDSM and Paganism 

August 4, 2016

Spicing a lover’s food and drinks with your bodily fluids is a ritual that is as old as time.  The intentions behind the act are both powerful and binding.  Rituals are found in both BDSM and Paganism and i feel most like myself when i am actively practicing both with my Daddy Dom.  My fascination with body fluid exchange and our shared fetish for blood plays naturally into my passion for such rituals within our dynamic.

Daddy and I have used His semen, both of our blood and my menstrual blood in our rituals.  All of our shared ritualized behaviors are rooted in both BDSM and Paganism because those intentions behind the behaviors come from inside the deepest parts of U/us, where BDSM and spirituality reside.

Daddy has always held a lovely obsession with my menstrual blood.  Even when we were long distance, his hunger for a token of my monthly blood was clearly evident.  The first gift I ever sent Him was a small, sealed vial of menstrual blood.  I sent Him another about a year later.  When He moved from California to Connecticut with us, He performed a binding ritual, pouring both vials of my gifted menstrual blood into the Earth, binding our relationship into the ground upon which we stood as we made the vows of The Rite of Handfasting in May of 2015.

We made a set of blood vial pendants which are set upon chains shortly after Daddy moved in last March.  Daddy wears His a lot, usually on a chain with the key to my formal event collar.  He is a Sanguinarian.  He drinks my blood and finds the act sacred.  Taking my blood into His body is the ultimate act of Dominance and my allowances to do so are the ultimate display of submission within our dynamic…and my pendant is a reminder to Him.  Daddy’s blood is off limits to me so His carefully made vial is a treasured token of love and trust, something that He has shared with me alone.

Daddy and I are sexually monogamous, emotionally monogamous and fluid bonded.  Even if we do ever play with others, the exchange of body fluids will be restricted both for safety as well as personal morality preference.  Such restrictions are solely dependant on individual basis and negotiating is a must when fleshing out such scenes.  We believe in the sanctity of our ritualized behaviors and that’s not something that everyone just gets to experience when we play with others.

Daddy and I are very eager to begin using His semen in such ritualized manners.  Freezing it into “cum cubes” and adding the frozen cubes into my drinks is especially attractive to us…but living in my mother’s home at the moment while we are getting on our feet, that’s just not possible.  I can only imagine her face if I were to tell her not to touch the cubes in the blue tray…  For now, I am satisfied by licking His love off of my lips and breasts after a session, as semen does not keep long at all and is only usable if it is used fresh from the source or frozen immediately.

Dipping a lollypop into oneself after a session is a sweet and sexy way to taste both you and your partner together.  Just be sure to wash well afterwards if you engage in such acts with food as sugars and starches inside the vagina can cause serious infections brought on by an overgrowth of bacteria 

~Beautifully Broken~

Break The Cycle

August 1, 2016

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I love this.  

I completely agree that an abuser will tell you every sordid detail of their traumatic past to get their victims to understand their motives and prove that it wasn’t their fault they are abusive, they just can’t help it…and that’s absolute bullshit.  

It’s a choice to perpetuate the cycle of abuse and violence.

It’s a choice to raise your hands in anger against your partner.

It’s a choice to spit insults at your partner.

It’s a choice to slam things and punch walls to intimidate your partner.

These tactics listed above are all abuse…not triggers to abuse, not predispositions/preludes to abuse…they are abuse.  Straight up, 100%.

I was choked out by a live in partner in my early 20’s.  He could have killed me for all he knew, right there on the living room rug. When I woke up, he was in the shower, sitting in the corner of the tub, crying.  Ain’t that just too precious??  Jerk.  He wanted me to understand that he hit because his dad used to hit him and that’s all he knew.  Be that as it may…and it was the god’s honest truth…but it wasn’t my fault he made that choice.  He was angry at me for telling him to move out.  Like I owed him something, salvation or enough love to “fix” him or whatever.  No.  I owed myself the dignity of leaving the relationship. Four years completely wasted, save for that final lesson.

I was abused and survived plenty of trauma in my life.  I did not choose to continue that cycle.  I chose to break the cycle with my own children and in my current relationships.  I don’t hold people emotionally hostage or act out so they are physically threatened.  I made the choice to be better to others than what was done to me.

THAT is where my power lays.

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This used to be me too.

For a long time, I was caught in a cycle of abandonment and intense attachments. I was either bigger than God or smaller than a speck. The mania and depression swinging back and forth like a pendulum. I was convinced that there was nothing I could do about it because I had bipolar depression and my brain was misfiring on the neurological level, causing all sorts of issues with my mood and personality, which was only exacerbated by my addiction and self harm issues. I thought it was all hopeless. I was almost resigned to a life of manic highs and depressive lows, usually cycling to the beat of my romantic and sexual life. But I had an imbalance of chemicals…it wasn’t my fault.

Then one day I watched a documentary about the mental health system of care in America. I watched as they discussed the true nature of psychology…as a pseudo-science rather than a branch of true medical science, reinforced by scientific evidence of any real merit. There are no blood tests to diagnose depression, let alone bipolar depression. There is no oral swab to check for borderline personality disorder. The only type of true scientific research that shows reactions for mental health issues are things like seizure disorders and schizophrenia. Most of the other major mood and anxiety disorders are presenting on scans just like addiction. The brain IS rewiring itself but that’s in response to external stimulation, not some internal brain chemistry already in affect. We are programming ourselves to be depressed and anxious and addicted.

We program ourselves, slowly over time. Avoidance of this issue and exhibiting addictive behaviors because of that issue make us retreat into depression and the cycle continues on, ad nauseum. It’s up to US to break that cycle. We can reprogram ourselves to become more self aware and to start taking personal responsibility for our actions and choices. Once you begin to LIVE your life, to actually feel and experience your emotions without pills, booze and whatever other distractions you’ve personally come to enjoy. It fucking hurts to feel sometimes. Other times, it’s scary and uncomfortable. But sometimes it’s wonderful. The payoff to happiness is slow going. One little accomplishment leads to the next and your character builds upon that success. So many people are asleep nowadays. They are intentionally ignorant to the state of the world, the state of the country, the state of their state and the state of their own bodies. Apathy is easier than proactivity…it’s easier to keep repeating the same old cycles and patterns than it is to break free of all those old paradigms and start something new.

They say the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. The unknown scares the fuck out of almost every one of us and that’s what manifests itself into depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders as we desperately try to control things we cannot possibly control.

All we can do is control our thoughts…and by doing that, we control ourselves, no matter the situation.  We can reclaim the power and rights to our own spirits, minds and bodies, to once again become free and unburdened by the weight of society’s cycles of depression, anxiety, fear, trauma and all types abuse.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

~Beautifully Broken~

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