I have several pieces of each item pictured in stock and available for immediate delivery, just in time for the holidays season!! Each item is individually priced…but I’ll do Custom 3 Piece Bundles for $20 + S/H.
Email beautifullybrokensubmissive@gmail.com with your choice of items and your shipping information to recieve your Custom Purchase Invoice to order!
~Beautifully Broken~
Which 3 Would You Choose For $20?
If you’re definitely interested in purchasing a Custom BDSM Bundle, please send me an email at beautifullybrokensubmissive@gmail.com with your order specifications. I will place all wholesale orders as they are received and after they are Paid In Full through my PayPal account 😊
~Beautifully Broken~
I’ve often heard a newly enthralled couple stating things like, “You complete me’, to one another in person and in social media comments, as they coo and snuggle together (virtually, if need be). We’ve read posts in this very group where couples have described themselves as being “everything” to each other, the “end all and be all” of their “universe”. The flowery words of poetic sentiment, describing the emotions (as explosive fireworks and as paralyzing electricity) of a new relationship can get pretty racy pretty quickly. Add in the extra intensity of a newly forged BDSM relationship and I’ve even heard the phrase, “Death means nothing”, in reference to the strength of the bond between the two parties. (Oh wait, I remember where I’ve heard that. I said it. More than once.)
Are those poetic participles of passion a bit sappy and ultimately meaningless? Yes, definitely…and no, not at all.
As with everything else, perception of the circumstances is key and everything is relative. Semantics get in the way and all art gets torn from the moment. And that’s good. Sometimes we need to see what’s really going on right before our eyes in the absolute most objective way possible.
All of the memories of all those sweet words which were once whispered into your ear will not be enough to keep you from breaking down should the relationship come to an untimely end. In fact, if you’re like most people, simply recalling the sentimentality of those words of love will make you want to scream when thought of after the relationship is ended. It doesn’t matter how it ends either. Only multally amicable partings are not completely devastating. Otherwise, someone’s either cursing or praising the other’s name, depending ding on just how their partner exited the scene.
We are all very hard on ourselves on a daily basis. Some of us even have protocol in our dynanic’s about negative self talk and defamatory remarks about our D-type’s property. Talking and even thinking poorly of oneself is extremely unhealthy and counterproductive. Most Doms will put guidelines into play because of the severity of psychological damage that comes along with that type of behavior. Yet many of us still do it every single day. Why?
I believe that a major reason for this type of negative attitude is because of deeply rooted insecurities which have gained a foothold in our psyche, going as far back as early childhood in some cases. This type of discord brings about a lack of confidence, massive insecurities and low self esteem. Exhibiting those negative traits makes for the perfect storm of neurosis, a breeding ground for poor, and even dangerous, life choices which are doomed from the start. Living with all of those underlying psychological issues, all the while avoiding the uncomfortable…and downright scary…root of the emotional turmoil (which triggered the occurrences of the negative and unhealthy coping mechanisms in the first place) only sets us up to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, abandonment, distrust or what have you.
Sometimes a person can only begin to see themselves for who and what they really are by looking at themselves through the eyes of another person. This type of objectivity is the main focus of cognitive therapy. Sometimes a person can only begin to change their behavior for the better when given the directives to do so by another person they deem “in authority” per whatever qualifications they feel are important at the time. I can see why patients are sometimes known to transfer strong emotions, and even sexual energy, onto their therapists. Therapists are trained to deal with this occurrence and are honor bound not to encourage that type of behavior. The rules for such transference aren’t so clear for many people, Lifestyle or otherwise, when this type of intense relationship occurs between people when other attractions are also present.
Participation in therapy is a requirement for many dynamics and BDSM should not be a substitute for that therapy in any way. The dependence an s-type feels toward his/her D-type can be incredibly strong, the emotions can become almost overpowering, but any relationship, Lifestyle or otherwise, cannot be your whole universe.
No one can be your rock. Rocks come and go. You must be your own rock, first and foremost. It’s wonderful to love someone, it’s spiritual to submit to someone…and it’s tragically painful to be left by someone. I’m not saying to hold back your love or your submission but one MUST have a strong foundation of self-worth and belief in self-reliance before control can be given to another in any meaningful way. I know, I “submitted ” before I was ready a few times…and in all but one case, I was damaged by the experience, to one degree or another. All that pain and heartache can be easily avoided by simply taking your time with vetting, questioning, interviewing and negotiating with prospective partners…but it takes a healthy sense of self-worth to be able to learn how to do that and avoid the siren song of subfrenzy.
~Beautifully Broken~
*Originally written and posted to Facebook on January 22, 2016.
When people are subject to abuse and trauma in a relationship, they tend to build walls around themselves to prevent further hurt in similar future situations. We as humans survive due to the effectiveness of our defense mechanisms. We have learned to be cautious of certain behaviors and activities because we have been hurt in the past and don’t want to experience that pain again. That’s a natural and normal reaction to being abused.
Sometimes, however, those walls become so high that the walls themselves prohibit our growth and healing. Instead of seeing the walls as appropriate cautionary reminders, we see them as inflexible guidelines by which to live the rest of our lives. No matter the circumstances, we can fall into the trap of repeating old patterns and behaviors, even if they no longer serve us because at one time they did serve us very well.
So how do we begin to trust again and truly heal from old patterns of abuse and trauma once we find a person who is worthy of a healthy relationship? These tips are in no particular order and I feel that we as survivors revisit each of these aspects over and over again as we heal and grow in our newfound positive relationships.
Time.
We first need to be worthy of a healthy relationship ourselves. Now, let me explain. We’re ALL deserving of healthy and stable relationships but until we’re able to begin to participate in a healthy relationship with another person, we should refrain from embarking upon them. We need to take the time to deal with our own emotional trauma, to be able to examine our own baggage of guilt and shame and to begin to forgive ourselves for our mistakes so we can start to value ourselves once again.
Change the tape in your head.
Sometimes we need to learn how to respond to people without letting our past cloud our view. It can be difficult to evaluate each relationship for what it is instead of what we fear them to be. Fear can be healthy…but it can also become crippling if we allow it to be. Think of all the good things in life you would have missed out on if you had been too afraid to try.
Readjust your radar.
We need to realize that the fear that once served us is no longer applicable in every situation. If we’re honestly trying to change our behaviors, we need to realize that other areas of our lives will be influenced by the changes we’re making. Benefitting from those changes include understanding that the signals we give off to others are changing and as a result, the caliper of people that are attracted to our lives will begin to change as well.
Stop taking everything so personally.
When we experience hurt, the trauma carries over into every other aspect of our lives. Our perceptions are clouded by our experiences. In order to truly begin to heal, we need to realize that just as our reality is tainted by our experiences, so the reality of others is tainted by their experiences as well. Not everything someone else does or says is always about us…and truthfully, even when it is about us, it’s not our issue to overcome.
Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
We are only responsible for what we say and how we say it. We aren’t responsible for what another person hears or how they relate to the information we pass along to them. In turn, we are responsible for accepting the truth in our relationships and that includes hearing unpleasant aspects of ourselves and adapting our behavior to more appropriate behavior if those aspects are actually rooted in truth.
Give yourself a break.
In the quest to become the best person we can be after surviving trauma and abuse, we are going to make mistakes. Probably several mistakes. Own up to your mistakes when you make them. Apologize for them. Try your damnedest not to repeat them. That’s literally all we can do.
Realize that change, and the happiness that will follow, is possible.
The only sure thing about human nature is that we are capable of change if we want it bad enough. We are all deserving of safety, peace and happiness. Attaining this state takes hard work. It means analyzing past behavior and making adjustments when necessary. It means doing the self examination to work through difficult, unpleasant and sometimes even painful emotions. It means knowing that their IS light at the end of the tunnel and knowing that you’re worthy of happiness.
These are just my personal thoughts and feelings about how to proceed in healthy relationships after experiencing abusive relationships. These words are what I’ve found to be true along my own personal journey.
What tips on beginning healthy relationships after prior traumatic experiences would you add to this list and why would you add them? I’d REALLY like input from both Dominants and submissives (and switches!!) on this post because as much as we discuss all the ways that Dominants help their submissives heal, we’d be remiss to assume that submissives don’t help their Dominants heal as well. If this topic applies to you…and i think it applies to most…i’d love to hear your opinions and personal experiences. There’s no right or wrong in healing, after all…
~Beautifully Broken~
Projection is the psychological term for placing your own faults, flaws, indiscretions and/or other negative perception issues unfairly onto another person and then condemning them for displaying that behavior…behavior which is actually YOUR negative behavior.
For example, people who are unfaithful in their relationship(s) will often times will actually accuse their partner(s) of cheating on THEM as a way to project their guilt and shame into someone else by shifting the focus off of they themselves, no matter how ridiculous and unfounded their claims may be.
Have you ever dealt with any types of projection in your relationships? Were you the one projecting your flaws onto another or was someone else projecting onto you? How did you deal with the relationship when you found yourself in that kind of projection situation?
~Beautifully Broken~
I was chatting online with a friend the other night who’s boyfriend wants to get more into BDSM in their relationship. He wants to not only Top her in bed but also move towards a 24/7 power exchange. I began explaining that going from rough, kinky sex to a full time D/s relationship was a HUGE step, one that would be best achieved by taking several small steps rather than one huge leap, working up to the ultimate goal of a 24/7 power exchange over time.
She then informed me that this ‘BDSM thing’ was all HIS idea, not hers. She wasn’t even sure she wanted this…especially with him ‘fooling around’ with other women.
I explained that any relationship must be built on a solid foundation of trust in order to function in a healthy and fulfilling manner. Trust is only built though open and honest communication and consistent actions. I suggested she talk to her boyfriend about his behaviors and told her that she needed to put everything on the table with him before they even *think* about adding any type of BDSM play or power exchange into their relationship.
She explained that they don’t really talk…about anything uncomfortable or serious…in their relationship. He does what he does, denies doing it and when he is ‘caught’, he just tries to pretend it never happened in the first place. I reminded my friend that people on my treat us how we allow them to treat us and that we have the personal responsibility to speak up and act when we find that our best interests are not being considered by our partners. I told her nothing was going to change until she made that change herself. She responded that she thought i would say that a submissive would just accept any infidelity because the Dominant is always right.
I explained that BDSM is all about consent and if a submissive didn’t specifically consent to outside relationships in their dynamic, then the Dominant would be in the wrong to pursue and/or hide them. I also mentioned that sometimes the most important issues are completely discussed in the silence that is created when one partner is being deceptive.
What do you think about a person wanting to get into BDSM only because they thought they could do whatever they wanted as a Dominant or because they thought they wouldn’t have to do anything at all as a submissive? What would you say to a person or couple in this type of situation?
~Beautifully Broken~
Image and inspirational credit to Blush at http://pin.it/FD9ZdK3
I’ll be honest here…I almost bypassed this meme without saving it because I had no intentions of posting it. You see, I use these internet memes that I find to spark inspiration for my writing. When I saw this one, it stopped me, but I thought, “This is completely inapplicable. D/s and especially M/s relationship don’t ‘fight’, they discuss”.
Yeah. Maybe in a perfect world…or maybe if you or your partner(s) just aren’t the excitable type when tensions arise.
If that’s the case, good for you! Otherwise, you’re like the rest of us who do, occasionally, lose our cool when we become hyper emotional, no matter our relationship dynamic. I gave this list a second glance and then I saved it so I could share it here.
Fighting in a relationship isn’t productive. Discussions are what is productive and that’s what most strive for when communicating uncomfortable or intense ideas to our partner(s). Self control and personal responsibility are never to be forgotten in any relationship, but especially not with your significant other(s).
The rules of your power exchange should also always apply, no matter the circumstances or expressed emotions, unless of course, the dynamic has made special allowances specifically for such events. Otherwise, most s-type would be ill-advised to lash out at their D-type…but unfortunately, it does happen.
These four steps are guidelines to learning new behaviors during an intense or emotional discussion with your partner(s). Taking a moment to remember these points when you are upset will definitely save a lot of unnecessary tears, snger, distrust and punishments.
What are some other steps you take when you’re upset or emotional so that you don’t fight with your partner(s)?
~Beautifully Broken~
Above everything else, BDSM is a mindset.
BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is an abstract construct which encompasses all of the physical acts of both sexual and non-sexual dominance and submission. Many people have asked what it takes to keep a BDSM relationship going long term, in both scene-only and 24/7 dynamics. The answer is simple.
It takes dedication.
We all have busy lives. Pursuing careers, responding to family obligations, fulfilling volunteer work, raising children, keeping in touch with friends and family, satisfying household responsibilities are issues we all face. We all have learned how to juggle our commitments very well.
Unfortunately, keeping so many different balls in the air sometimes means that other areas get neglected. It happens. However, making time for those relationships and activities which are important to us needs to be just as much of a priority as everything else we do in our busy day. There’s a saying which states, “If it matters to you, you will find a way. If it doesn’t matter to you, you will find an excuse”. I think this saying definitely applies to our Lifestyle relationships.
We make time for what is important to us. Plain and simple. If you have to get the kids to bed early so you and your SO can have a quiet S&M session, do it. If you have to find childcare so you and your SO can go on a weekend getaway a few times a year, do it. If you have to wake up early so you and your SO can have some uninterrupted shower sex before cooking breakfast, do it. Be creative!! Have fun with your scheduling. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking scheduled sex and scenes kills the romance. Ya know what does kill the romance? Not having the time for any sex or scenes!! It’s all about your shared mindset. If you both want it bad enough, make it happen.
Okay, so you say you desperately want to make time to play with your SO but every time a scheduled sex and/or scene arrives, one of you isn’t in the mood. What then? Well, obviously things come up and life gets in the way…but sometimes you need to push past those feelings in order to get into that BDSM mindset. Sending naughty, or downright dirty, texts to one another throughout the day will ignite your passions so much that you’re counting the minutes until your scheduled session later that evening. Inserting an anal plug and/or adorning nipple clamps under your clothing as you finish work, per your D-type’s orders, can help you leave Type A Personality Woman at the office and more easily transition to His Stupid Whore by the time you arrive Home. Listening to selections from the BDSM music playlist from your last session on the way Home from work can help you shake off your shitty day and help you transform back into the Dominant you know you are. If it matters to you, you WILL find a way. If not…well, you know where this is going.
What are some ways you and your SO make time to nurture and evolve your BDSM relationship? Can you share any tips you have learned that might help others?
~Beautifully Broken~
Let’s see if sex and art are really the same thing.
I’m starting a new business as a personal consultant for sex and relationship advice. I’m definitely excited for this newest endeavor of mine and I’m sure that it will take off like a rocket!!
~Beautifully Broken~
Beautifully Broken Submissive 