​Making Time For BDSM In Your Daily Life

Above everything else, BDSM is a mindset.

BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is an abstract construct which encompasses all of the physical acts of both sexual and non-sexual dominance and submission.  Many people have asked what it takes to keep a BDSM relationship going long term, in both scene-only and 24/7 dynamics.  The answer is simple.

It takes dedication.

We all have busy lives.  Pursuing careers, responding to family obligations, fulfilling  volunteer work, raising children, keeping in touch with friends and family, satisfying household responsibilities are issues we all face.  We all have learned how to juggle our commitments very well.

Unfortunately, keeping so many different balls in the air sometimes means that other areas get neglected.  It happens.  However, making time for those relationships and activities which are important to us needs to be just as much of a priority as everything else we do in our busy day.  There’s a saying which states, “If it matters to you, you will find a way.  If it doesn’t matter to you, you will find an excuse”.  I think this saying definitely applies to our Lifestyle relationships.

We make time for what is important to us.  Plain and simple.  If you have to get the kids to bed early so you and your SO can have a quiet S&M session, do it.  If you have to find childcare so you and your SO can go on a weekend getaway a few times a year, do it.  If you have to wake up early so you and your SO can have some uninterrupted shower sex before cooking breakfast, do it.  Be creative!!  Have fun with your scheduling.  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking scheduled sex and scenes kills the romance.  Ya know what does kill the romance?  Not having the time for any sex or scenes!!  It’s all about your shared mindset.  If you both want it bad enough, make it happen.

Okay, so you say you desperately want to make time to play with your SO but every time a scheduled sex and/or scene arrives, one of you isn’t in the mood.  What then?  Well, obviously things come up and life gets in the way…but sometimes you need to push past those feelings in order to get into that BDSM mindset.  Sending naughty, or downright dirty, texts to one another throughout the day will ignite your passions so much that you’re counting the minutes until your scheduled session later that evening.  Inserting an anal plug and/or adorning nipple clamps under your clothing as you finish work, per your D-type’s orders, can help you leave Type A Personality Woman at the office and more easily transition to His Stupid Whore by the time you arrive Home.  Listening to selections from the BDSM music playlist from your last session on the way Home from work can help you shake off your shitty day and help you transform back into the Dominant you know you are.  If it matters to you, you WILL find a way.  If not…well, you know where this is going.

What are some ways you and your SO make time to nurture and evolve your BDSM relationship?  Can you share any tips you have learned that might help others?

~Beautifully Broken~

A Glimpse of The Evolution of Edging

“Sometimes I Need Reminding, But It Gets Easier…” was the original title of this post…because sometimes I do…and His tongue always reminds me.

I’ll be honest here.  I used to get VERY snippy and frustrated when Daddy wouldn’t allow me to climax for more than 2-3 days.  By Day 5, I could be a straight up bitch.  I know that sounds awful…but it’s something I’m still working on after all this time and I’m much better at controling my  emotions now.  For me, keeping my libido in check was MUCH harder when we were long distance…just having Him around every day for snuggles, hugs and kisses helps a lot when He decides it’s ‘Blow Job and Back Rub Week’.  Daddy never goes for more than a day without blowing His wad…unless He’s in one of His ‘Tease and Deny’ moods…and He almost always gets an hour massage before going to sleep every night so constantly touching Him is usually the release I need if He is denying me.  But.  Some night.  Some nights, touching and massaging Him, alone together, in the dark, is enough to drive me positively mad.  I know, I know…it’s not about me…but i still need to have my internal coping mechanisms for such situations.

Sometimes it amazes me how far we’ve come in just 2 1/2 years.  When we began our relationship, I was very insecure about so many different things…myself, my prospective relationship with Him, anything having to do with my future and my sobriety…I was a wreck.  Daddy walked with me in Spirit every single day, from across the country, while I worked to get my life back on track.  Along the way, I helped Him break through  some walls that He never thought were coming down.  We loved each other enough to let us each become the people we were always meant to be.  It’s rare when you find that…everyone wants you to change for them.  Here, we were changing for ourselves…and that’s why the changes stuck.

Now, since Daddy’s living here with me, I don’t get too bad when Daddy wants to deny me.  I don’t get angry, offended or upset, like I used to do that first year of our LDR.  I understand and appreciate our dynamic much more clearly.  Plus, when He finally allows me to cum…it’s not just sex, it’s a spiritual experience.  Phone sex was fantastic when that’s all we had to express our intimacy and lust.  Visits were wonderful but they were always foreshadowed with knowledge of their eventual end.  All of that is finally behind us.  Daddy’s Home now…and being in O/our bed together every night is…perfection 💙

~Beautifully Broken~

​My Daddy Dom Moves Mountains For Me (NSFW)

Daddy gives the absolute best head I’ve ever had.

Okay,  I know that was blunt, but i have to make you understand where I’m coming from here.

I mean this Man goes *in*.  He pays attention to every silken crease and fold, every inch is explored and devoured before He is sated.  Our bed is always soaked in saliva and pussy juices afterwards.

Daddy went down on me the other night.  He was incredible.  He kept edging me, leading me back up to the crest…and pulling me back down the wave, over and over again, without me losing focus and getting all frustrated.  I just let my body go and instinctually respond to Him, knowing implicitly that I would recieve whatever He was trying to give me during that encounter.  I just simply let go and gave every part of myself to Him.

All the stress about our daily finances, all the tension of me being in an employment holding pattern until Fall when school starts, all the grief over my friend’s overdose and all the deaths of old friends that i have suffered this year…it all just rose to the surface and washed out to sea as the rolling waves He created on my clit swayed me, cradling me, keeping me safe, as it all drifted away from me.

I remembered how complete I felt during our last maintenance spanking scene and i hugged Him tight, in acknowledgement and thanks for Him finding a new way to elicit that much needed response from me when our maintenance spanking sessions just aren’t possible right now.

Daddy knew i needed that kind of therapeutic release and He figured out a wonderful way of delivering that to His girl.  That Man doesn’t run from a problem, He faces the mountain.  Even when He cannot get around the mountain at hand, He doesn’t give up.  He simply finds a way to move the mountain out of His path instead.  Daddy moves mountains for me every day…and I adore Him for it ♡

~Beautifully Broken~

There Is No Such Thing As a True Dominant (Or a True Submissive Or Anything Else, For That Matter)

This meme is incredibly accurate…especially for a meme.  Dominance (and submission, for that matter) is a state of mind above than anything else…much more a state of mind than it is something sexual or even kinky.  My Daddy and I can be in a crowded room, full of non-Lifestylers, and all He has to do is give me a two second look and my body viscerally reacts.  My pulse quickens and my breath draws in more shallow.  I can instantly hear His voice in my head, actually saying whatever needs to be communicated in His sexy, deepened voice and I literally start to melt.  And, yes…I know what ‘literally’ means.  That’s what I’m talking about when I proudly title Him with the honorific as my Dom, my Daddy Dom, my Daddy, my Sadist, my Other, my Love…He is both inside my head and inside my heart.

Daddy and I are  practicing a 24/7 Dominance/submission (D/s) Caregiver dynamics in our home together.  We have come to title our dynamic as such because we are a “Daddy Dom/babygirl” caregiver paradigm as well as D/s.  Some Daddies and littles do not subscribe to the D/s power exchange at all, opting only for the caregiver aspect, so I will usually make that distinction.

Daddy and I have had hours of discussions about what works for us as individuals and as a couple, in terms of intimate wants and needs, emotional boundaries, sexual limits and desires and both short and long term goals for the future.  We know one another very, very well.  We have come to a place in our relationship where it’s easier to talk about the uncomfortable emotions and just be real with each other.  It’s not always easy but it is worth it.  I think that the biggest downfall of any alternative lifestyles relationship dynamic is when the parties have differences in their wants, needs, limits and desires because that creates unmet expectations.  Unfulfilled expectations can be devastating to one party while the other party does not even know that there’s any issue going on in their partner’s(s’) mind and heart at all.  

Some people form the foundations for these unfulfilled expectations even before the ever meet their partner!!  

For example, let’s say I am new to the BDSM scene.  I have done my research online and discussed personal experiences on topics of which i have personal interest with others through reputable Internet groups and I have gone out into my local community to begin to form a network of friendships.  I have already decided, in my own mind, exactly what a “real” Dom looks like…and I have done this strictly from my own inaccurate impressions from books and articles as well as on my own unexperienced expectations of what Dominance, submission, and BDSM at large, actually are.  

If the above list is what works for you right now, that’s great.  However, no one can expect everyone to subscribe to their wants, needs or belief systems.  At this point, a new kinkster is all about BDSM Fantasy instead of BDSM Reality because they simply do not know any better.  A person who is new to kink will already have unrealistic perceptions of what participating in BDSM is all about…and to make matters worse, they usually expect everyone in the Lifestyle to agree with them.  It just doesn’t work.

Your perception of what a “true” or “real” Dominant, submissive, Top, bottom and/or switch is will not match up with the realities of others.  You cannot expect them to do so.  It takes time and experience to understand that YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is O.K.).  In other words, just because you are into something that I’m not into, it doesn’t make your desires “bad”, it just makes them not for me.  This concept extends from inclinations towards sexual activities, predispositions to kinks and fetishes as well as desires and limits regarding interpersonal relationships and/or participation in any BDSM dynamics.

One of the most commonly overlooked aspects of BDSM is the vetting, questioning and interviewing of potential partners.  People need to remember that not every person will be into what you’re into so it’s important to take the time to find someone who is.  

Let me repeat that:  

It takes time to find a compatible partner.

Talk about your wants and needs with your potential partner(s) without shame.  Discuss your goals and limits with honesty and integrity.  Be true to yourself.  Allow others to be true to themselves without degradation or expectations.  Understand that just because something doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work wonderfully for others.

A final point worth mentioning…

Honorable BDSMers come in all shapes and sizes.  One size does definitely NOT fit all in this Lifestyle.  That said, there ARE people who hurt and abuse others.

THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT PRACTICING BDSM.  THE ARE PRACTICING ABUSE.  Plain and simple.

When we label people as “true” and “real”, especially on social media, we set up an impossibly inaccurate standards to which others are forcefully made to adhere, even if just in our own minds.  It’s unfair, biased and unrealistic to do this.  There are definitely people who try to act like kinksters from every corner of the Lifestyle, but they are not practicing consensual, responsible BDSM.  They are also the ones who hurt, abuse, rape and kidnap others for their own sick personal gratification.  These people hide among us, but they are not practicing BDSM and I think it is very important that distinction is made.  BDSM is all about CONSENT and people who hurt and abuse others do not have that consent.  The two concepts are miles apart.

Vetting, questioning and interviewing of potential partner(s), with the help of tools such as various BDSM checklists for activities, kinks and fetishes, is your most powerful asset as you navigate through the Lifestyle.  Taking the time to ask, research and answer these types of discussion prompts is yet another asset.  Don’t become frenzied as you search for prospective partners, take your time and learn to know with whom you are dealing…or even if you care to deal with them at all.

~Beautifully Broken~

Menstrual Blood Play and Menstrual Blood Worship 

*Originally written and posted on Facebook on May 2, 2016.

Many people believe that menstrual blood play and menstrual worship are strictly for Dommes and male submissives…but in my dynamic we throughly disagree.  Menophilia is not only a favorite kink of ours but it is also extremely sacred to us and it is an important aspect of our dynamic for many reasons.

Menstrual blood play can include many activities within our dynamic.  We engage in all types of sexual activities and practices when I’m menstruating and we look forward to this time of the month with great anticipation.  Painting one another with my blood, ruining clothing and bedding with my blood, drinking my blood as well as collecting my blood in vials to be worn or stored for Pagan rituals are other key aspects.

Menstrual worship, for us, is all about honoring the sacred feminine and acknowledging the power of creation.  My Dom will care for me in several ways, including making sure any pain is managed, keeping me in hot tea before I even ask as well as telling and showing me how desirable I am to Him, especially when I’m bleeding.  Later this morning, He will collect my menstrual blood in a vial and divide it up, some to be used in an upcoming moonlight Pagan ritual in which we will participate and some to be stored in a pendant vial which He will wear on a chain around His neck.

Everyone has very personal and distinctive feelings regarding menstrual blood play and what is a turn on for some is distasteful to others and that’s perfectly fine.  How do you feel about menstrual blood play and worship?  Are they acts you engage in within your dynamic?  If so, what aspects of this type of play are important to you and your partner(s)?

~Beautifully Broken~

Spicing in BDSM and Paganism 

Spicing a lover’s food and drinks with your bodily fluids is a ritual that is as old as time.  The intentions behind the act are both powerful and binding.  Rituals are found in both BDSM and Paganism and i feel most like myself when i am actively practicing both with my Daddy Dom.  My fascination with body fluid exchange and our shared fetish for blood plays naturally into my passion for such rituals within our dynamic.

Daddy and I have used His semen, both of our blood and my menstrual blood in our rituals.  All of our shared ritualized behaviors are rooted in both BDSM and Paganism because those intentions behind the behaviors come from inside the deepest parts of U/us, where BDSM and spirituality reside.

Daddy has always held a lovely obsession with my menstrual blood.  Even when we were long distance, his hunger for a token of my monthly blood was clearly evident.  The first gift I ever sent Him was a small, sealed vial of menstrual blood.  I sent Him another about a year later.  When He moved from California to Connecticut with us, He performed a binding ritual, pouring both vials of my gifted menstrual blood into the Earth, binding our relationship into the ground upon which we stood as we made the vows of The Rite of Handfasting in May of 2015.

We made a set of blood vial pendants which are set upon chains shortly after Daddy moved in last March.  Daddy wears His a lot, usually on a chain with the key to my formal event collar.  He is a Sanguinarian.  He drinks my blood and finds the act sacred.  Taking my blood into His body is the ultimate act of Dominance and my allowances to do so are the ultimate display of submission within our dynamic…and my pendant is a reminder to Him.  Daddy’s blood is off limits to me so His carefully made vial is a treasured token of love and trust, something that He has shared with me alone.

Daddy and I are sexually monogamous, emotionally monogamous and fluid bonded.  Even if we do ever play with others, the exchange of body fluids will be restricted both for safety as well as personal morality preference.  Such restrictions are solely dependant on individual basis and negotiating is a must when fleshing out such scenes.  We believe in the sanctity of our ritualized behaviors and that’s not something that everyone just gets to experience when we play with others.

Daddy and I are very eager to begin using His semen in such ritualized manners.  Freezing it into “cum cubes” and adding the frozen cubes into my drinks is especially attractive to us…but living in my mother’s home at the moment while we are getting on our feet, that’s just not possible.  I can only imagine her face if I were to tell her not to touch the cubes in the blue tray…  For now, I am satisfied by licking His love off of my lips and breasts after a session, as semen does not keep long at all and is only usable if it is used fresh from the source or frozen immediately.

Dipping a lollypop into oneself after a session is a sweet and sexy way to taste both you and your partner together.  Just be sure to wash well afterwards if you engage in such acts with food as sugars and starches inside the vagina can cause serious infections brought on by an overgrowth of bacteria 

~Beautifully Broken~

What Is a Little?

BDSM is made up of a broad and vast spectrum of roles, identities and dynamics.  No where is this more visible than when discussing a “little”.   A little is a person who most often submits, either through their actions in a BDSM scene or within their personal mindset by means of a power exchange.  Littles can range from child-like to childish in their appearance and their behavior, both in and out of the context of BDSM.  Littles come in every shape, size, race, ethnicity, sex, gender and mindset.  The mere thought of trying to categorize us all has been daunting…and it has taken some dedicated time to write out here…but after getting some more insight from others within the community, I think I am beginning to understand the differences among all of the various types of littles, even the differences with which I do not agree nor endorse for myself.

Just a quick note…

When we are discussing any aspect of BDSM, and that includes littles, I am ONLY talking about consensual adults of legal age, whatever that may be for your area.  Personally, I don’t discuss BDSM with anyone under 18 years old and Daddy and I won’t play together with anyone who is under 21 years old, but that’s just O/our personal morality on the subject.

Recently, there has been an explosion on social media of adolescent girls and boys, from 11 to 17 years old, who are attracted to what they think it means to be a little and they claim to identify as such.  I assure you, they do not.  They cannot.  They are children, children who are playing at a very dangerous game, within a reality filled with adult scum who are more than happy to take advantage of all that pre-teen and teenage angst and melancholy, pretending to love and care for the adolescent, online and by phone, so they can take advantage of someone who they perceive to be “weaker” as they easy to manipulate and control.

SUCH A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT BDSM, IT IS NOT AGE PLAY, IT IS NOT ROLE PLAY NOR IS IT AN EXAMPLE OF ANY TYPE OF A BDSM CAREGIVER RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC.  

PRACTICING BDSM OR PARTICIPATING ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH MINORS IS IMMORAL AND ILLEGAL.

PERIOD. 

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s move on to the categorization of those amazing creature called “littles”.

Age Players vs Lifestylers

As I’ve previously stated, there are many variations of littles and the first method of categorization is to distinguish between those littles who are age players and those littles who are lifestylers.  While some littles may identity as a mixture between the two, almost all littles gravitate towards one or the other.  Being a little is either something you pretend to be during certain times or something you are all of the time.

Age Playing littles are the role players.  These people are only ‘little’ during certain times, with certain people and/or for specific purposes.  A person may choose to emotionally regress and exhibit their age playing ‘little side’ during a scene or for an evening and then they have the capability to turn it “off” and resume their normal day to day life as a mature adult when the specified time period is over.

Lifestyler littles are ‘little’ all of the time, even in their daily lives, to one degree or another.  For a lifestyler  little, being ‘little’ is a mindset and part of their core personality, rather than a role that they slip in and out of at their discretion or upon command.  Lifestyle littles may or may not emotionally regress as their constant state of mind can potentially make regressing obsolete.

Types of Littles 

  • Adult Babies

Adult Babies (AB) are the “youngest” type of little, usually exhibiting the behaviors of a newborn to 2 years old.  They can either role play as an adult acting as an infant or they can emotionally regress back to their “baby space”, the desired state of mind where they are inhibiting the headspace of an infant.  This desire to behave, dress and be treated as an infant is called infantilism.  Infantilists are driven by the need to feel safe and secure at the most primary level, having their most basic needs of food, shelter, cleanliness, warmth and love met by their Caregiver.  Adult Babies are the “submissive” partner in a Caregiver relationship dynamic because they receive that sensation of well being but the power exchange is much more driven by meeting the needs of the Adult Baby (or the “bottom”) rather than satisfying the desires of the Caregiver (or the “Top”).  The Caregiver counterpart to the AB can take whatever name the participants desire for the dynamic within a “parent/child”, “student/teacher” or other such caregiver paradigm.  While some ABs enjoy sexualized scenes when they are in “baby space”, the majority of them do not engage in any sexualized kinks athe all while in this headspace.  Adult Babies are not interested in nor do they condone any acts of pedophilia.  The appeal of the Caregiver relationship paradigm for many people is the express consent which is required in order to participate in such a bonded dynamic.  ABs may seek to reclaim their personal power after a history of sexual abuse during edge play scenarios with their Caregiver, if the trauma occurred very early on in life and the mindset is similarly applied,  but this type of exploration is at the sole discretion of each dynamic and should only be attempted in a safe and loving environment after completing thorough research and discussions.

  • Diaper Lovers

Diaper Lovers (DL) are often categorized with Adult Babies because they can share some of the same memtal/emotional/behavioral traits, but that’s where the similarities stop with Diaper Lovers.  DLs may or may not emotionally regress but for the Diaper Lovers, the desire is linked to the aspect control involved in the power exchange.  DL scenes can become highly sexualized and include other aspects of BDSM, such as bondage and discipline.  The participants in the dynamic may be scene only, 24/7 or anything in between.  They may subscribe to an M/s, D/s, switch power exchange and/or Caregiver dynamic.  They may share a diaper fetish which can increase the appeal to delve further in other aspects of control and sexuality in other BDSM edge play scenario, such as water sports and scat play.

  • Littles

Littles are next in line along the age regression, mental and emotional functionality and fetish chart.  Littles can range from 2 to 11 years old and can be further divided into “young littles” (2- 6) and “older littles” (7-11).  Both young and older littles can be both age playing role players as well as lifestyler mindset.  “Little space” can range from an exaggerated…and greatly extended…role play scenario to a quiet calm within while participating in childlike activities.  Some littles are into pacifiers and bottles but many leave that to the ABDLs.  Littles almost universally enjoy coloring, we find it therapeutic, although our choices in coloring pages and artistic mediums will vary greatly.  Scenes in “littles space” are almost entirely non-sexual among younger littles but sexualized scenes are common among older littles, whether they are role playing age players or maintain the lifestyler mindset.

  • Middles

Middles are the ‘teenagers’ of the littles.  Middles range from 12 to 17 years old, in various combinations of mental, emotional, behavioraland spiritual presentation.  Middles are usually always lifestyler mindset orientated but there are some who role play as a middle for specific periods of time and under certain conditions.  Middles are usually extremely sexual, to the point of being overt, in their scenes with their “Top”, “Big” and/or Caregiver, usually a (wo)man who is older than (s)he and facilitates the power exchange, be it D/s, switch or symbiotic Caregiver.  Middles may also be more prone to enjoy sadomasochistic activities within their dynamics more than some other types of littles.

  • Baby Girls/Baby Boys

Baby Girls and Baby Boys are a product of the Internet age.  Baby Girls and Baby Boys are most often found on online, on BDSM/kink/fetish pages and groups, using terrible grammar and outrageous spelling to convey their bratty, and often outright disrespectful, sentiments in chat conversations.  These are the littles who subscribe to a power exchange only if they are in fact the ones in charge.  The Daddies, Mommies or other such counterparts are driven near mad with the Baby Girl’s/Boy’s neediness and constant need for absolute attention, attention that can very well entail listening to baby talk for hours at a time.  These are the types who thrive on brattiness and lack any desire to submit, for whatever the motivating factor, and their “Big” Caregivers have to follow tow or quickly move along, sometimes after being accused of abuse due to “sniffling the exploration of (the female’s) baby girl side”.  There are always exceptions to every rule but this type of little does not see brattiness as a character flaw.  The Baby Girl/Boy is in complete control of this dynamic.  The relationship is driven by sexuality, exploration and debauchery and may very well include a ‘Daddy kink’ in addition to whatever power exchange and/or Caregiver paradigm they primarily pratice…or the Daddy Kink could be the entire motivating factor behind the relationship.  This dynamic can be based on an absolute lie or the god’s honest truth…but the chances of it ever coming to successful fruition are slim because of the physical and emotional boundaries contained within the foundation of the relationship itself.  Rarely are both parties actually seeking long term commitments, despite decrying otherwise.  The Baby Girl/Boy is seeking control and the counterpart is happy to oblige, turning the dynamic compleyely bottom-driven.

  • Babygirls/Lolitas

The Babygirl/Lolita type of little is perhaps the most sexually explicit of all the little submissive archetype described here.  The Babygirl/Lolita is the maiden, the sacred whore, the priestess, the ritual font from which all carnal knowledge is drawn, the Acolyte and even the Goddess Herself.  A Babygirl/Lolita is also about a display of submissive power, however this power is submitted to the Caregiver counterpart who takes the form of the priest, the sacred masculine and even God Himself.  These archetypes of Dominance and submission are ancient and sacred, repeating thru history to deepen the spiritual connection attained through the flesh.

  • Pets

     Pets can be classified as littles too!  A pet is a “bottom” who assumes a submissive role when behaving like an animal, usually an adorable kind of animal, like a kitten or puppy.  Pets can be of a role play mindset or a lifestyler mindset and it’s not uncommon for both types to overlap within one person or dynamic.  Pets may retain human qualities or give themselves over completely to their Owner/Caregiver, again, depending on the situation and/or dynamic. 

    The exact name that a little is given or takes for themselves can vary greatly from the ones listed above but each archetype description of the behavior and characteristics of a little stands firm.  Littles may submit, they may play at submitting, they may role play sexual submission or they may not submit at all, preferring the dominant role in their dynamics, or preferring none whatsoever.  For every type of little, there is a Big counterpart, no matter which type of dynamic they enjoy.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

    A Sanguinarian, Blade Play and Blood Play Scene

    Daddy and I are a part of the Sanguinarian lifestyle, which means we participate in the acts of feeding and donating blood during scenes and sex.  Daddy always feeds, I always donate.  He is called a ‘Sang’ and I am called a ‘swan’.  I always cut myself to get the blood He so badly craves.  He has yet to lift a blade against me.  We are both okay with that.  We both know each other’s limits as far as blade play and blood play.

    Last night, He lit the candles and dimmed the lights in our bedroom.  I gathered the blade, the disinfectant, the bandages and the bandages and laid them out before us on the shelf.  He sat down on the bed as I stood before Him, holding the blade.  He took the blade from my hand, looked up at me and asked if I was ready.  I looked at Him quizically and asked, “Are You?”.  His hesitation to answer my question told me that no, indeed He was not..and that was perfectly okay.  Negotiating a scene, especially an emotionally and/or sexually charged scene, should never take place during a scene, but rather before, when everyone is still level headed and reasonable.

    I took the blade from my Lover’s hand and made a thin scratch on my forearm.  He took my hand, lifted my arm to His lips and licked the thin stream of blood from the wound.  He began grabbing and squeezing the scratch, pressing a bit more blood to the surface and savored the coppery taste.  When He had drank all the small scratch would yield, He released my arm and I picked up the blade again.  I made two slightly deeper cuts on my upper thigh and Daddy waited with His breath drawn in for the shallow cuts to begin to show red.  The blood began to pool in little droplets at the surface as He closed His eyes and lowered His mouth to the wounds.  Growling in His throat, He licked and sucked at my blood, hungry and excited for more.

    The endorphins had just began to kick in for me, the pain of the shallow cuts exacerbated by His suckling and needing at the wounds.  Subspace was close…the pain was pulling me slowly into a hazy, darkened fog…my body began to shake and spasm involuntarily.  Daddy growled again and pulled my thigh to Him,  hard and rough…the way He enjoys feeding the most.

    When He had taken all the blood the shallow cuts would allow, He released my thigh and directed me to start cleaning the cuts and scratches.  He was breathing deeply…but He was not yet satisfyed.  He had just told me to clean my wounds, signaling that part of the scene was finished.  I felt like I had failed Him.  I knew He was dissatisfied with the level out output, yet He had ended the scene.

    “Let me cut deeper for You,” I asked, my eyes rimmed with tears.

    “I never said you had to cut so shallow,” He responded.

    I took up the blade for the third time.  I made three deep cuts on my thigh, one next to the other, just below the other two He had just bleed dry.  These cuts were deep.  Not deep enough to require stitches (which is a hard limit at the present time) but deep enough for the blood droplets to pool at the surface of the wounds and drip down my leg, running together and increasing the bloodflow.  He looked at my blood, the rivulets trickling down my thigh, and He grabbed my leg, hard, and began to feed.

    Subspace was now fully engulfing me, drawing me slowly into its darkened shadows.  My body was trembling and my head was fuzzy as He licked and sucked at my burning thigh.  He was finally satisfying His burning desires for blood and pain.  My blood.  My pain.  All for Him.  Only for Him.

    And now, here I sit, the morning after, typing this passage as a momemto.   My wounds cleaned and still stinging, remembering the passion with which we practiced our scene and the lovemaking that followed.  Cherishing the ease with which He wiped away my fears of inadequacy last night, as easily as He wipes the tears from my eyes…and the blood from my thighs.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

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    My 10 Steps To Surrender and Submission in a D/s Caregiver Relationship

    *Originally written and posted on Facebook on July 17, 2016.

    I have always been a woman who has feared change. I don’t trust easily. I am a creature of habit and whenever I have needed to grow and evolve, my signature move has always been to first dig in my heels and become as stubborn as stone before looking at the situation rationally. Relinquishing control in any situation has always initially filled me with at least low level of fear and anxiety because allowing someone else to have any control over me anywhere besides the bedroom hasn’t ever ended well for me or the relationship. All this sounds strange when you take into account that I am striving to be a devoted submissive. Along my journey with my Daddy Dominant, i have learned that the idea of fear and submission co-existing together inside the same person is, at best, a confusing contradiction of terms and at worst, a telltale sign of great hypocrisy. My fear has held me back in life more times than I can count…but I’m working on changing that permanently. I have broken these changes I have been making down into several steps that I have been tirelessly working…

    1. Step One: Know Yourself

    The biggest factors that continually reinforced my fear were actually my own thoughts and behaviors. I would choose partners who I knew were incapable of meeting my needs and when they would eventually let me down and hurt me, I would deal with it by displaying even more destructive behaviors so I could further punish myself and “get what I had coming”. That display was unhealthy emotional and physical masochism at its finest. I knew I had to change my thoughts and behaviors if I was ever going to have a fulfilling and rich life, especially a life built around any type of a D/s element. I had to let go of the self-destructive patterns (like overthinking and catastrophic thinking) and cease the self-sabotaging behaviors (like drug abuse and self harm techniques) that I had used my entire life and replace them with a new sense of becoming self aware and awakening my full potential by becoming praticed in healthy coping mechanisms.

    2. Step Two: Know Your Partner

    The fact that I wasn’t going thru this self discovery alone made this journey much easier to bare. My Dom has been doing His own reflecting, growing and changing right along with me. The second factor I needed to accept was that my Dom is in fact worthy of my complete submission because He has continually proven Himself to be capable of the responsibility of leading our Caregiver dynamic. He has proven His love, care, devotion, honorable intentions and capacity for dominance at every turn, in both His words and His actions. He understands that He cannot assume control of His submissive if He doesn’t have control of Himself and He strives to better Himself daily, right along side of me. Finding a partner who is on the same page spiritually, emotionally, intellectually as well as sexually and who is capable and eager to take this journey right along with me has been a tremendous gift that I shall never take for granted.

    3. Step Three: Ground Your Dynamic In Reality

    The third factor I had to overcome was the first step my Dom and i had to tackle together. From here on out, these steps were ours to master. We were challenged to design our new dynamic. Our previous dynamic was long distance with intermittent visits so while we could carry some aspects over into our new arrangement, we were pretty much starting from scratch when we began living together and began practicing our dynamic 24/7. As this was all new, we could design our dynamic as we choose and we quickly understood that we had to create it within our own personal reality. All the talking and hours of discussions were finally able to be put into practice and we modified situations and expectations as we went along. We also learned patience and humility as we designed our parameters and He got creative with His designs because of all the obstacles to our time and privacy. I came to see challenges as feats to be conquered rather than evidence of impending defeat because He helped me to see them as such.

    4. Step Four: Release Your Expectations

    We learned how to stay consistent to our goals and expectations while rolling with the punches of every day life. The fourth factor i needed to accept if we were going to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship was that our expectations of how our dynamic was “supposed” to look were often times holding us back from what our dynamic could someday potentially become. As a submissive, part of my responsibilities include expressing my needs, wants, sexual limits and emotional boundaries to my Dominant. As a Dominant, part of His responsibilities include working within those parameters to establish my routines, tasks, rituals and rules to reinforce His will. I learned that it is not my responsibility to hover, nag, manipulate or influence His will, because He already knows exactly what He wants to enforce in our dynamic. I need to demostrate my faith and trust in Him to both meet my needs as necessary and to satisfy my wants as He sees fit.

    5. Step Five: Focus on Gaines Rather Than Losses

    The only way I could demostrate this faith and trust to Him was to compleyely surrender control to Him, in and out of the bedroom, in all aspects of our lives together. The fifth factor that I needed to acknowledge was that I was not giving anything up by submitting to Him but rather I was gaining everything I had ever wanted. I did not need to mourn the life I gad previous but rather I could relax knowing that I now had the structure to live the life I wanted to live because He had given me the tools to thrive as I meet my goals. I now had a partner to co-parent our children along side me instead of being all on my own. The focus was now on teamwork rather than individuality…and that was tough to accept at first but I had to give Him the room to grow and conform into His new roles and responsibilities if He was ever going to be completely comfortable meeting them. He has rewarded my faith and encouragement with the love that only a real Man has for His wife and children.

    6. Step Six: Accept Your Faults and Flaws

    Looking back, I could have just shut my mouth, opened my eyes and saw these factors for what they were months ago but I needed the time to see the differences between our healthy relationship rather than all the unhealthy ones to which I had grown accustomed. The sixth factor that I needed to come to terms with was that sometimes I am a part of our problems. This one hurt a lot to acknowledge. Sometimes He is doing everything in His capabilities to lead our dynamic but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough for me and I get moody or aggravated. Admitting He is enough means that I am finally taking responsibility for my feelings of insecurity, my own errors in judgment and my own lapses in reason…and while that is never easy to do, it certainly is a necessary step to building any partnership, especially one rooted in D/s. Even though He is my Daddy Dom, that doesn’t mean that I am spoiled, entitled or allowed to display unacceptable behaviors. My mindset as a middle is not an excuse to get my own way but rather a child-like extension of the best of me…all the wonder, awe, joy, self-expression, imagination and silliness I hold dear to my heart, I’m finally able to share them with my other half.

    7. Step Seven: Realize You’re Both On The Same Side

    In every relationship I was ever in, I was the one who was in control of the dynamic because I chose partners who would not assume control. Offering and practicing my submission to my Daddy Dom has rendered that cycle obsolete. The seventh factor I needed to accept was that even though we may seem separated by the personal elements of our power exchange, we are actually bound together through both of our shared experiences and common goals. We compliment one another and elevate each other in ways I never thought possible because we have fashioned a dynamic that works for us. I no longer struggle with accepting His will because He never asks for anything unreasonable. I no longer have to question “just for clarity”, the intentions are clear simply because they are His will. That is reason enough to comply. That doesn’t mean we have stopped discussing things together, definitely not, but rather I have seen that we truly are on the same side in all our endeavors and that makes it so much easier to trust Him and our dynamic completely.

    8. Step Eight: Focus on Mindset Rather Than Action

    The main reason our dynamic functions as well as it does and we thrive as a result of our continued efforts is because we have both committed ourselves to the process. We have decided that failure isn’t an option and we know that we will overcome any obstacles in our path together. The eighth factor that i have come to understand is that our D/s is rooted in our shared mindset rather than in sex, scenes, acts of submission or shows of dominance. While all those aspects play instrumental parts in shaping our dynamic, they do not create or drive our dynamic…our devotion to one another and our comittment to our shared goals does that instead. This realization further allows us to roll with the punches of every day life and to build a dynamic that is flexible enough to sustain us for the immediate future while being consistent enough to endure for the long term.

    9. Step Nine: Be The Change You Want To See

    Sometimes being a part of a D/s Caregiver partnership means focusing on my own aspects while the other person deals with their personal issues. The ninth factor that I needed to accept was that D/s isn’t always about checks and balances. Sometimes D/s entails doing what you know you should be doing without praise, guidance or recognition. Dominating and serving can both function independently for short periods of time without any outside acknowledgement from the other partner. Of course, any relationship cannot exist like that for long but sometimes just putting your money where your mouth is and walking the talk can be a powerful inspiration to your counterpart during times of struggle and hardship. If your partner can count on you to pick up the slack when necessary, they are encouraged to put in the extra effort it takes to percivier and triumph…and of course the reverse is true as well.

    10. Step Ten: Focus on the Journey

    There is no finish line for a D/s relationship. BDSM cannot be practiced within a vacuum. The dynamic grows and changes as its participants learn and evolve. It has to…or it becomes stagnant and eventually dies. The tenth factor that I had to acknowledge was that D/s, just like life, is a process and the journey is much more important than any speculated end result or perceived goal. The actions of today aren’t hinged on the actions of yesterday. We can always start over and do better. Does that mean we have no accountability for yesterday? No, of course not…but we do have the opportunity to swallow our pride and do what we know to be right for ourselves, our partner and our relationship.

    These steps highlight the issues i had to deal with and overcome in order to let go of my need for control and begin to truly submit. Unfortunately, it took me almost destroying our relationship before I figured them out. Luckily for me, my Daddy is an understanding and realistic Dominant. He sees the real me, the girl I hide deep inside from almost everyone else and he helps me show her off to the world. He knew that I had been damaged in several ways by my previous relationships long before I met Him. He also knew that it wasn’t His job to fix me or to put up with my irrational bullshit. He made the choice to love a damaged person, knowing it would be a difficult journey but He felt the potential He saw in me and in us was worth the initial investments of time and patience. It was that gesture of acceptance and loyalty which first allowed me to begin to open up to Him and that planted those initial seeds of trust and devotion.

    If you have found someone who loves, cares for and understands the real you, don’t let them go without a fight…and especially don’t let them go because you’re too proud and stubborn to change those aspects of yourself which no longer serve you and hold you back from your true potential and happiness. We are humans are limitless in our potential to overcome the obstacles in our path and in our capacity to love and care for ourselves, our family and our tribe. I will forever respect my Daddy for helping me to learn, understand and practice this valuable lesson and I demonstrate that respect through my complete submission and devotion to Him in the same manner…without limits.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

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