Category: Sadomasochism

No Safe Word To Save Me

June 14, 2017

Daddy and I have been kinda tense lately.  We’ve been navigating unchartered waters since He started staying Home with the boys full time after finishing His liver therapy and I finished school and started working again.  It seems that our roles of daily life are in complete opposition to our D/s dynamic roles and sometimes we clash when one of us can’t slip back into those D/s roles so easily.

After a long discussion today and a few tears, I saw Him for who He is again with new eyes.  The Man who loves me, who would kill or die for both me and our boys,  my Daddy, my Sir, my Fiance.  I know He saw me as He did in the past as well because once we were okay again, He bent me over the desk and spanked the fuck outta me before the kids arrived Home from school.

This wasn’t the ‘sexy’ spanking to which I have become accustomed.  It wasn’t play and it wasn’t punishment.  Actually, for the very first time in our relationship, it wasn’t for me at all.  This session was all His.  It was a release of rage and anxiety.  It was a reclaiming of what is His, even if only in His own heart and mind.  It was a test of my endurance and obedience to His will above my own.  He knows me better than I know myself and He can read me like a book.  The way I go on my tip toes when the pain makes me anxious.  The way I whimper when I am close to breaking.  The way I just sob when I feel helpless.  He saw it all…and I know it turned Him on as He smacked my ass over and over until I wanted to scream with no breaks in between to caress my stinging flesh.  I wanted to pull away.  I wanted to put my hands out to shield my skin.  I wanted to stop Him…but i didn’t…because this wasn’t about me.  

Instead, I just allowed the pain to swallow me.  I forced myself to feel the pain in my muscles as hard as I had been ignoring the pain in my heart.  I just let myself feel, I let myself cry.  I actually told myself that I would not die from this and that it would eventually end.  I needed to show Him that I could and would take whatever He needed to give, the same way He takes everything the boys and I have ever needed to give.  It was the most subservient I have felt in months, despite everything else I have gladly done for Him, this was the most important.  No decisions to make, no safe words with which to escape, no place to hide from the pain.  All I could do was be present and submit.  My rewards were the tears that flowed free and hot on my face…and feeling Him excited against me as He licked them from my cheeks.  Such a small act with such profound meaning.

~Beautifully Broken~

A Cut Above The Rest

May 21, 2017

Trigger Warning…  Self Harm & Cutting

​I got a new punishment yesterday.  It was the first time Daddy spanked me as a punishment.  I’m a masochist and usually don’t receive punishments having to do with physical pain.  It certainly didn’t feel good but it was a great release of tension and emotional pain.  I think that was His point.  He said if I committed the offense again the number of spankings would be doubled.  I couldn’t handle much more than 5 of His hardest spankings…

I usually enjoy them, His spankings, that is…but this was…different.  I didn’t hate it but I’m not going to go looking for it.  And He was much more tender than He usually is during punishment.  Idk, it was weird.  Still processing, I suppose…
Here’s a little back story…

I cut two nights ago.  I got thrown several big & unexpected curveballs about this car I’m trying to buy and a job opportunity that’s dependant upon said car.  He knew I was upset but I guess I didn’t adequately explain my level of…despair, I guess.  He sent me to bed early and when I woke at midnight, He was asleep.  I got really panicky and tried to wake Him.  I suppose I could’ve tried harder… 

When He wouldn’t wake up, I started hyperventilating…and I cut.  I haven’t cut (to self harm) in almost a year.  After I could breath again, I put on some music and sat outside for a few hours.  I finally went back to bed at 3.  I told Him about the night yesterday morning & He said I should’ve tried harder to wake Him but He understands why I didn’t.  He also apologized for not seeing how bad off I was.  That last time I cut, a year or so ago, He said if I did it again, I’d receive one hard and unpleasant spanking per cut, in rapid succession.  I got 5 in the kitchen while the boys were outside.  He had to…but He feels bad.  I could guarantee He’d discuss this further that evening…and He did.

After the boys fell asleep on the couch last night, Daddy led me into our bedroom.  He got out our scalpel and calmly reminded me that this is HIS body and if any cuttings are to be made, they are HIS to make.  He looked me in the eyes as He wiped the lower half of my body down with antiseptic.  I began to tremble.  He asked if I would remember that.  I said yes.  He said, “Yes, you sure will” & proceeded to cut and carve all over my hips and ass.  

No safe words were going to save me from this lesson so I didn’t even bother.  I’m so fucking sore today I can barely move without pain.  When He was done, He said “No more of this or next time will be so much worse.  Please try me if you don’t believe me”.  It was like making your child smoke a whole pack of cigarettes at once when you catch them smoking.  I will not forget this lesson.
The only thing that made it not awful was His decision to feed after the punishment and lesson parts were over.  There’s nothing in the world as bonding as allowing your Mate to feed from your blood.  He made love to me afterwards.  Clawing and grabbing at your fresh wounds, making them bleed all over again, He silently reassuring me that everything was fine again…and how deeply I am loved & adored.

When it was all over, He finally allowed me to get off the bed.  I slowly got to my feet and Daddy pulled me close to Him for a hug.  I rested my head on His chest and just let it all go.  All the pain, fear, worry and despair that I had kept from Him, they all came right to the surface but didn’t spill over…until He pulled away just a bit so He could hold out His Pinky to me.  I remember wondering why He was shaking.  

He wasn’t.  

I was.

In our home, the Pinky Swear is the highest code of honor.  A promise made with a Pinky cannot be broken without losing a great deal of trust afterwards.  He looked at me and said, “No more of this, baby.  Please”.  I started crying and shaking like I haven’t in years.  I slowly reached out my Pinky towards His and tentatively wrapped my tiny finger around His larger one.  

I guess I’m finished with cutting as a form of self harm for good…I hope.

~Beautifully Broken~

​Cutting and Self-Harm:  How to Feel Better without Hurting Yourself

April 28, 2017

*I rarely publish anything on here that isn’t an original piece of writing, but i think this article is an excellent exception… BB
Self-harm can be a way of coping with problems. It may help you express feelings you can’t put into words, distract you from your life, or release emotional pain. Afterwards, you probably feel better—at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and you feel the urge to hurt yourself again. If you want to stop cutting or self-harming but don’t know how, remember this: you deserve to feel better, and you can get there without hurting yourself.

What do you need to know about cutting and self-harm?

Self-harm is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. As counterintuitive as it may sound to those on the outside, hurting yourself can make you feel better. In fact, you may feel like you have no choice. Injuring yourself is the only way you know how to cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage.

The problem is that the relief that comes from self-harming doesn’t last very long. It’s like slapping on a Band-Aid when what you really need are stitches. It may temporarily stop the bleeding, but it doesn’t fix the underlying injury. It also creates its own problems.

If you’re like most people who self-injure, you probably try to keep what you’re doing secret. Maybe you feel ashamed or maybe you just think that no one would understand. But hiding who you are and what you feel is a heavy burden. Ultimately, the secrecy and guilt affects your relationships with your friends and family members and the way you feel about yourself. It can make you feel even more lonely, worthless, and trapped.

Myths and facts about cutting and self-harm

Because cutting and other means of self-harm tend to be taboo subjects, the people around you—and possibly even you—may harbor serious misunderstandings about your motivations and state of mind. Don’t let these myths get in the way of getting help or helping someone you care about.

Myth: People who cut and self-injure are trying to get attention. 

Fact: The painful truth is that people who self-harm generally harm themselves in secret. They aren’t trying to manipulate others or draw attention to themselves. In fact, shame and fear can make it very difficult to come forward and ask for help.

Myth: People who self-injure are crazy and/or dangerous. 

Fact: It is true that many people who self-harm suffer from anxiety, depression, or a previous trauma—just like millions of others in the general population, but that doesn’t make them crazy or dangerous. Self-injury is how they cope. Sticking a label like “crazy” or “dangerous” on a person isn’t accurate or helpful.

Myth: People who self-injure want to die. 

Fact: People who self-injure usually do not want to die. When they self-harm, they are not trying to kill themselves—they are trying to cope with their problems and pain. In fact, self-injury may be a way of helping themselves go on living. However, in the long-term, people who self-injure have a much higher risk of suicide, which is why it’s so important to seek help.

Myth: If the wounds aren’t bad, it’s not that serious. 

Fact: The severity of a person’s wounds has very little to do with how much he or she may be suffering. Don’t assume that because the wounds or injuries are minor, there’s nothing to worry about.

Recognize the symptoms and warning signs

Self-harm includes anything you do to intentionally injure yourself. 

Some of the more common ways include:

cutting or severely scratching your skin

burning or scalding yourself

hitting yourself or banging your head

punching things or throwing your body against walls and hard objects

sticking objects into your skin

intentionally preventing wounds from healing

swallowing poisonous substances or inappropriate objects

Self-harm can also include less obvious ways of hurting yourself or putting yourself in danger, such as driving recklessly, binge drinking, taking too many drugs, and having unsafe sex.

Warning signs that a family member or friend is cutting or self-harming

Because clothing can hide physical injuries, and inner turmoil can be covered up by a seemingly calm disposition, self-injury can be hard to detect. However, there are red flags you can look for (but remember—you don’t have to be sure that you know what’s going on in order to reach out to someone you’re worried about):

Unexplained wounds or scars from cuts, bruises, or burns, usually on the wrists, arms, thighs, or chest.

Blood stains on clothing, towels, or bedding; blood-soaked tissues.

Sharp objects or cutting instruments, such as razors, knives, needles, glass shards, or bottle caps, in the person’s belongings.

Frequent “accidents.” Someone who self-harms may claim to be clumsy or have many mishaps, in order to explain away injuries.

Covering up. A person who self-injures may insist on wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather.

Needing to be alone for long periods of time, especially in the bedroom or bathroom.

Isolation and irritability.  

How does cutting and self-harm help?

In your own words

“It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I’m unable to put into words. It puts a punctuation mark on what I’m feeling on the inside!”

“It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life.”

“I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing. ”

“I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips away into the physical pain.”

It’s important to acknowledge that self-harm helps you—otherwise you wouldn’t do it. Some of the ways cutting and self-harming can help include:

Expressing feelings you can’t put into words or releasing the pain and tension you feel inside

Helping you feel in control, relieving guilt, or punishing yourself

Distracting you from overwhelming emotions or difficult life circumstances

Making you feel alive, or simply feel something, instead of feeling numb

Once you better understand why you self-harm, you can learn ways to stop self-harming, and find resources that can support you through this struggle.

If self-harm helps, why stop?

Although self-harm and cutting can give you temporary relief, it comes at a cost. In the long term, it causes far more problems than it solves.

The relief is short lived, and is quickly followed by other feelings like shame and guilt. Meanwhile, it keeps you from learning more effective strategies for feeling better.

Keeping the secret of self-harm is difficult and lonely. And it can have a detrimental effect on your relationships with friends and family members.

You can hurt yourself badly, even if you don’t mean to. It’s easy to misjudge the depth of a cut or end up with an infected wound.

You’re at risk for bigger problems down the line. If you don’t learn other ways to deal with emotional pain, you increase your risk of  major depression, drug and alcohol addiction, and suicide.

Self-harm can become addictive. It may start off as an impulse or something you do to feel more in control, but soon it feels like the cutting or self-harming is controlling you. It often turns into a compulsive behavior that seems impossible to stop.

The bottom line: self-harm and cutting don’t help you with the issues that made you want to hurt yourself in the first place. There are many other ways that the underlying issues that drive your self-harm can be managed or overcome.

Confide in someone

If you’re ready to get help for cutting or self-harm, the first step is to confide in another person. It can be scary to talk about the very thing you have worked so hard to hide, but it can also be a huge relief to finally let go of your secret and share what you’re going through.

Deciding whom you can trust with such personal information can be difficult. Choose someone who isn’t going to gossip or try to take control of your recovery. Ask yourself who in your life makes you feel accepted and supported. It could be a friend, teacher, religious leader, counselor, or relative. But you don’t necessarily have to choose someone you are close to.

Eventually, you’ll want to open up to your inner circle of friends and family members, but sometimes it’s easier to start by talking to an adult who you respect—such as a teacher, religious leader, or counselor—who has a little more distance from the situation and won’t find it as difficult to be objective.

Tips for talking about self-harm

Focus on your feelings. Instead of sharing detailed accounts of your self-harm behavior focus on the feelings or situations that lead to it. This can help the person you’re confiding in better understand where you’re coming from. It also helps to let the person know why you’re telling them. Do you want help or advice from them? Do you simply want another person to know so you can let go of the secret?

Communicate in whatever way you feel most comfortable. If you’re too nervous to talk in person, consider starting off the conversation with an email or letter (although it’s important to eventually follow-up with a face-to-face conversation). Don’t feel pressured into sharing things you’re not ready to talk about. You don’t have to show the person your injuries or answer any questions you don’t feel comfortable answering.  

Give the person time to process what you tell them. As difficult as it is for you to open up, it may also be difficult for the person you tell—especially if it’s a close friend or family member. Sometimes, you may not like the way the person reacts. Try to remember that reactions such as shock, anger, and fear come out of concern for you. It may help to print out this article for the people you choose to tell. The better they understand self-harm, the better able they’ll be to support you.

Talking about self-harm can be very stressful and bring up a lot of emotions. Don’t be discouraged if the situation feels worse for a short time right after sharing your secret. It’s uncomfortable to confront and change long-standing habits. But once you get past these initial challenges, you’ll start to feel better.

Need help for self-harm?

If you’re not sure where to turn, call the S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line in the U.S. at (800) 366-8288 for referrals and support for cutting and self-harm. For helplines in other countries, see Resources and References below.

In the middle of a crisis?

If you’re feeling suicidal and need help right now, read Suicide Help or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. at (800) 273-8255. For a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit Befrienders Worldwide.

Figure out why you cut or self-harm

Understanding why you cut or self-harm is a vital first step toward your recovery. If you can figure out what function your self-injury serves, you can learn other ways to get those needs met—which in turn can reduce your desire to hurt yourself.

Identify your self-harm triggers

Remember, self-harm is most often a way of dealing with emotional pain. What feelings make you want to cut or hurt yourself? Sadness? Anger? Shame? Loneliness? Guilt? Emptiness?

Once you learn to recognize the feelings that trigger your need to self-injure, you can start developing healthier alternatives.

Get in touch with your feelings

If you’re having a hard time pinpointing the feelings that trigger your urge to cut, you may need to work on your emotional awareness. Emotional awareness means knowing what you are feeling and why. It’s the ability to identify and express what you are feeling from moment to moment and to understand the connection between your feelings and your actions. Feelings are important pieces of information that our bodies give to us, but they do not have to result in actions like cutting or other self-harming.

The idea of paying attention to your feelings—rather than numbing them or releasing them through self-harm—may sound frightening to you. You may be afraid that you’ll get overwhelmed or be stuck with the pain. But the truth is that emotions quickly come and go if you let them. If you don’t try to fight, judge, or beat yourself up over the feeling, you’ll find that it soon fades, replaced by another emotion. It’s only when you obsess over the feeling that it persists.

Find new coping techniques

Self-harm is your way of dealing with feelings and difficult situations. So if you’re going to stop, you need to have alternative ways of coping in place so you can respond differently when you start to feel like cutting or hurting yourself.

If you self-harm to express pain and intense emotions

Paint, draw, or scribble on a big piece of paper with red ink or paint

Start a journal in which to express your feelings

Compose a poem or song to say what you feel

Write down any negative feelings and then rip the paper up

Listen to music that expresses what you’re feeling

To calm and soothe yourself

Take a bath or hot shower

Pet or cuddle with a dog or cat

Wrap yourself in a warm blanket

Massage your neck, hands, and feet

Listen to calming music

Because you feel disconnected and numb

Call a friend (you don’t have to talk about self-harm)

Take a cold shower

Hold an ice cube in the crook of your arm or leg

Chew something with a very strong taste, like chili peppers, peppermint, or a grapefruit peel

Go online to a self-help website, chat room, or message board

To release tension or vent anger

Exercise vigorously—run, dance, jump rope, or hit a punching bag

Punch a cushion or mattress or scream into your pillow

Squeeze a stress ball or squish Play-Doh or clay

Rip something up (sheets of paper, a magazine)

Make some noise (play an instrument, bang on pots and pans)

Substitutes for the cutting sensation

Use a red felt tip pen to mark where you might usually cut

Rub ice across your skin where you might usually cut

Put rubber bands on wrists, arms, or legs, and snap them instead of cutting or hitting

Source: The Mental Health Foundation, UK

Professional treatment for cutting and self-harm

You may also need the help and support of a trained professional as you work to overcome the self-harm habit, so consider talking to a therapist. A therapist can help you develop new coping techniques and strategies to stop self-harming, while also helping you get to the root of why you cut or hurt yourself.

Remember, self-harm doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It exists in real life. It’s an outward expression of inner pain—pain that often has its roots in early life. There is often a connection between self-harm and childhood trauma.

Self-harm may be your way of coping with feelings related to past abuse, flashbacks, negative feelings about your body, or other traumatic memories. This may be the case even if you’re not consciously aware of the connection.

Finding the right therapist

Finding the right therapist may take some time. It’s very important that the therapist you choose has experience treating both trauma and self-injury. But the quality of the relationship with your therapist is equally important. Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel safe, respected, or understood, find another therapist.

There should be a sense of trust and warmth between you and your therapist. This therapist should be someone who accepts self-harm without condoning it, and who is willing to help you work toward stopping it at your own pace. You should feel at ease with him or her, even while talking through your most personal issues.

Helping a friend or family member who self-harms

Perhaps you’ve noticed suspicious injuries on someone close to you, or that person has admitted to you that he or she is cutting. Whatever the case may be, you may be feeling unsure of yourself. What should you say? How can you help?

Deal with your own feelings. You may feel shocked, confused, or even disgusted by self-harming behaviors—and guilty about admitting these feelings. Acknowledging your feelings is an important first step toward helping your loved one.

Learn about the problem. The best way to overcome any discomfort or distaste you feel about self-harm is by learning about it. Understanding why your friend or family member is self-injuring can help you see the world from his or her eyes.

Don’t judge. Avoid judgmental comments and criticism—they’ll only make things worse. The first two tips will go a long way in helping you with this. Remember, the self-harming person already feels ashamed and alone.

Offer support, not ultimatums. It’s only natural to want to help, but threats, punishments, and ultimatums are counterproductive. Express your concern and let the person know that you’re available whenever he or she wants to talk or needs support.

Encourage communication. Encourage your loved one to express whatever he or she is feeling, even if it’s something you might be uncomfortable with. If the person hasn’t told you about the self-harm, bring up the subject in a caring, non-confrontational way: “I’ve noticed injuries on your body, and I want to understand what you’re going through.”

If the self-harmer is a family member, prepare yourself to address difficulties in the family. This is not about blame, but rather about learning ways of dealing with problems and communicating better that can help the whole family.

Related HelpGuide articles

Coping with Emotional and Psychological Trauma: Dealing with Recent or Childhood Trauma So You Can Move On

Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal: Getting the Most out of Therapy and Counseling

Quick Stress Relief: Using Your Senses to Relieve Stress On the Spot

Resources and references

General information about cutting and self-harm

Cutting – Article written for teens explains what cutting is, why people do it, how it starts, and where to go for help. (Nemours Foundation)

About Self-Harm: Why You Self-Harm and How to Seek Help – Get the facts about cutting and self-injury. Learn what purpose it serves and how you can overcome it. (Mind)

Self-Harm – Introduction to self-harm, including what makes people do it, danger signs, treatment, and things you can do to help yourself. (Royal College of Psychiatrists)

Self-help

How Can I Stop Cutting? – Offers strategies for resisting the urge to cut by planning ahead, distracting yourself, and finding other ways to express your feelings. (Nemours Foundation)

Reducing and Stopping Self-Harm – Explore the reasons you want to stop injuring yourself, examine the reasons behind your behavior, and learn how to stop, as well as deal with slip-ups. (Scar Tissue)

Coping Skills – Learn the coping skills that worked for one former self-injurer. Includes coping skills for staying in the present, for general wellness, and for replacing cutting. (Psyke.org)

Helpline and treatment referrals

Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463. (Mind)

Kids Help Phone – A helpline for kids and teens in Canada to call for help with any issue, including cutting and self-injury. Call 1-800-668-6868. (Kids Help Phone)

Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline)

Helping a friend or family member

How Can I Help a Friend Who Cuts? – A guide for teens who are concerned about a friend who they learn is self-harming (Nemours Foundation)

Guidance for others – Series of downloadable factsheets with tips on how friends and family members can help someone who cuts or self-harms. (LifeSigns)

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm

A Poem About Pain…

February 6, 2017

​When it hurts, i want to run

But there’s nowhere to go.

So i’d take the blade up to my skin…

And cut it nice and slow.
Now that i have finally learned 

How to be just who i am,

The blood no longer flows 

Like water thru a broken dam
He taught me how to stand up

Brave and tall, i always stand my ground

He did this because there will be a time

When He is not around.
He told me that i must not break

I am too strong, the mighty Cat

He showed me that i can survive

Without hurting myself like that.
If pain is needed, HE gives it out

As it is His cross to bear

For once He’s gone, i need to know

In my heart, our blood, He’s there…
~Beautifully Broken~

Micro-needles 

October 7, 2016

​I ordered two sets of Micro-needles from Wish.  Micro-needles are the needles that penetrate the skin on the face and body during elective microdermabrasion treatments to decrease the appearance of scars, stretch marks, cellulite and to stimulate hair growth.  One set has 9 needles and the other has 36.  They are very, very tiny…much smaller than I thought they’d be, really…but to my surprise and delight, they’re actually very sharp and rather painful.  They draw much more blood than a lancet, which is all relative, since the lancets produced no blood at all on neither me nor my partner.  I really love when Daddy and I find amazing kinky uses for non-kinky products! 

*As with any item that breaks the skin and has contact with body fluids, personal responsibility to health and safety standards of that particular item, as well as operation under informed consent, are both vital to a safe and healthy BDSM experience with Micro-needles.  

What are your thoughts on using Micro-needles as BDSM pervertables?

~Beautifully Broken~

Finding Your Personal Balance of Submission And Independence 

October 6, 2016

I’ve often heard a newly enthralled couple stating things like, “You complete me’, to one another in person and in social media comments, as they coo and snuggle together (virtually, if need be).  We’ve read posts in this very group where couples have described themselves as being “everything” to each other, the “end all and be all” of their “universe”.  The flowery words of poetic sentiment, describing the emotions (as explosive fireworks and as paralyzing electricity) of a new relationship can get pretty racy pretty quickly.  Add in the extra intensity of a newly forged BDSM relationship and I’ve even heard the phrase, “Death means nothing”, in reference to the strength of the bond between the two parties.  (Oh wait, I remember where I’ve heard that.  I said it.  More than once.)

Are those poetic participles of passion a bit sappy and ultimately meaningless?  Yes, definitely…and no, not at all.

As with everything else, perception of the circumstances is key and everything is relative.  Semantics get in the way and all art gets torn from the moment.  And that’s good.  Sometimes we need to see what’s really going on right before our eyes in the absolute most objective way possible.

All of the memories of all those sweet words which were once whispered into your ear will not be enough to keep you from breaking down should the relationship come to an untimely end.  In fact, if you’re like most people, simply recalling the sentimentality of those words of love will make you want to scream when thought of after the relationship is ended.  It doesn’t matter how it ends either.  Only multally amicable partings are not completely devastating.  Otherwise, someone’s either cursing or praising the other’s name, depending ding on just how their partner exited the scene.

We are all very hard on ourselves on a daily basis.  Some of us even have protocol in our dynanic’s about negative self talk and defamatory remarks about our D-type’s property.  Talking and even thinking poorly of oneself is extremely unhealthy and counterproductive.  Most Doms will put guidelines into play because of the severity of psychological damage that comes along with that type of behavior.  Yet many of us still do it every single day.  Why?

I believe that a major reason for this type of negative attitude is because of deeply rooted insecurities which have gained a foothold in our psyche, going as far back as early childhood in some cases.  This type of discord brings about a lack of confidence, massive insecurities and low self esteem.  Exhibiting those negative traits makes for the perfect storm of neurosis, a breeding ground for poor, and even dangerous, life choices which are doomed from the start.  Living with all of those underlying psychological issues, all the while avoiding the  uncomfortable…and downright scary…root of the emotional turmoil (which triggered the occurrences of the negative and unhealthy coping mechanisms in the first place) only sets us up to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, abandonment, distrust or what have you.

Sometimes a person can only begin to see themselves for who and what they really are by looking at themselves through the eyes of another person.  This type of objectivity is the main focus of cognitive therapy.  Sometimes a person can only begin to change their behavior for the better when given the directives to do so by another person they deem “in authority” per whatever qualifications they feel are important at the time.  I can see why patients are sometimes known to transfer strong emotions, and even sexual energy, onto their therapists.  Therapists are trained to deal with this occurrence and are honor bound not to encourage that type of behavior.  The rules for such transference aren’t so clear for many people, Lifestyle or otherwise, when this type of intense relationship occurs between people when other attractions are also present.

Participation in therapy is a requirement for many dynamics and BDSM should not be a substitute for that therapy in any way.  The dependence an s-type feels toward his/her D-type can be incredibly strong, the emotions can become almost overpowering, but any relationship, Lifestyle or otherwise, cannot be your whole universe.

No one can be your rock.  Rocks come and go.  You must be your own rock, first and foremost.  It’s wonderful to love someone, it’s spiritual to submit to someone…and it’s tragically painful to be left by someone.  I’m not saying to hold back your love or your submission but one MUST have a strong foundation of self-worth and belief in self-reliance before control can be given to another in any meaningful way.  I know, I “submitted ” before I was ready a few times…and in all but one case, I was damaged by the experience, to one degree or another.  All that pain and heartache can be easily avoided by simply taking your time with vetting, questioning, interviewing and negotiating with prospective partners…but it takes a healthy sense of self-worth to be able to learn how to do that and avoid the siren song of subfrenzy.

~Beautifully Broken~

Review of Dragon/Cat/Vampire Claws from Wish

October 6, 2016

I saw these online somewhere last year.  I researched and posted about the use of the Claws for sensory play.  Since my Dom was just as intrigued by the idea as I was, onto The List they went.  And on The List they sat.  About a week ago, I was browsing on the Wish app.  I’ve found if you get creative with your keywords and description turn of phrase when searching, a whole wealth of insanely low cost BDSM props and implements are suddenly at your virtual fingertips and only a few clicks away from going into your personal toy box.

I purchased a set of 10, listed in various sizes, for $4.70 with a $2 shipping fee.  They arrived in less than two weeks.  I had originally thought I would use these Claws as the top in a sensory play scene with Daddy.  I suppose that can still happen someday…because I was dominated with them instead.

The Claws are made of a nondescript silver metal alloy.  I don’t know if prolonged use will cause irritation or discoloration on the wearer’s fingertips but I can’t imagine they could be worn comfortably for more than and hour or so.  The sizing of each ring is uniquely graduated, some fitting over the fingers just up to the nail bed better than others on Daddy, but none were unpleasant to wear.  I can only wear the small and the large sizes meant for the thumb and the pinky.  The medium size slipped completely down my finger like a ring.  They can always be sized down by wrapping the back of the band with a clear piece of tape.

The Black crystals are purely for decoration as they do sparkle in the light.  The points of the Claws are not sharpened but they aren’t blunted either.  They don’t leave scratch marks on the skin, even when more than moderate pressure is applied but they do press into the skin and grab on to pressure points and around bones.  With enough force, I do believe that the skin could be very painfully punctured (but we don’t puncture the skin when we play, even in scenes where obtaining blood is the goal).

It was an amazing scene, like tickling turned into sensation play that amped up into “dry” (bloodless) vampire/primal play and then somehow turned into a lesson in orgasm control.  The possibilities of creating various sensations while using these Claws are really only limited by imagination and comfort zone.  If you’re into any type of the scenes listed above, dark fantasy cosplay  or if you just like Gothic jewelry, I highly recommend checking out these little gems.

Wish currently offers the following selections in various colors from several different merchants:

*single piece, listed as small, medium and large

https://www.wish.com/m/c/56d13cdb7a5ac230c5037433 $1

*sets of five, listed as one size fits all, 1 small, 3 medium And 1 large with measurements

https://www.wish.com/m/c/56139450dd951313cd3e6021 $7

*sets of ten, listed as one size fits all, 2 small, 6 medium and 2 large with measurements

https://www.wish.com/m/c/531fff92a801b6674c4df55d $5

~Beautifully Broken~

Do Dominants and Submissives Reflect One Another As They Affect One Another…?

October 1, 2016

*Originally written and posted to Facebook on June 17, 2015

I’ve been privy to many conversations today…and maybe it’s just me putting my own spin on things…but the concept of BDSM relationships and how the actions of D-types and their s-types reflect upon one another and affect one another keeps coming up.  The D/s & M/s dynamics are multi-faceted ones and there are also many layers under the surface of each facet.  We as couples take refuge in each other…we understand our mates as no one else in the world does because we not only see the layers inside, we also know why these layers exist.

These differences are felt across the board…from sub among sub and certainly from relationship among relationship.  What can be viewed as disrespectful behavior in one dynamic is playful in another.  What is seen as abuse by one s-type is seen as primal play by another.  The difference lies in the comfort level, information level and desire level between the D and s in each particular relationship.

As far as D’s and s’s reflecting on each other, i believe that they do…but HOW they reflect upon one another is really none of anyone else’s business.  The couple that seems to endlessly fight are doing so because they are learning to navigate thru communication issues.  The couple who goes to extremes in all things are learning about limits, boundaries and self control.  The most brutal S/m couples are finding ways to heal their pain.  

What I’m saying is that the beauty of this Lifestyle is to be found when we learn from our differences among our Sisters and Brothers.  Our journies are all unique and the best we can hope to be as Lifestylers can be found when we bond thru our similarities and learn thru our differences.  We never really understand the choices or behaviors of another until they let us in or when we experience their reality ourselves.

Judge not…lest ye be judged.

~Beautifully Broken~

Fall Enrichment 

September 22, 2016

​Today is the Autumnal Equinox, which means it is the first day of Autumn in the Northern Hemisphere.  On the first day of Autumn, the hours of light and the hours of darkness are equal.  After today, the hours of daylight will become shorter in the Northern Hemisphere and longer in the Southern Hemisphere.  

Pagan ritual celebrates this celestial event as the holiday of Mabon.  Mabon rituals focus on balance, change and a shift into darkness as we head into harvest and winter in the Northern Hemisphere.  This is a time to remember that darkness isn’t inherently bad or evil, but rather, darkness is simply the counterpart to light.  There can be no light without darkness, making both necessary and important.

Today’s message of the eternal struggles of change v. balance and dark v. light strikes a major cord with me.  This is a time for reflection…of reaping what we have sown.  Today, I’m reflecting on issues I’m facing and the ways that those struggles have enriched my life.

What are some things you can reflect upon today, personally or within the context of your relationship dynamic concerning the topics of change, balance and looking at the ‘darkness’ in yourself to see what you can learn from it?  How can you use the energies of today to aid in your own Fall Enrichment?

Some topics to consider for reflection on balance, darkness and change…

1.)  Today is all about finding balance…and what better way to find balance and access your core than through yoga poses!?  Are poses and positioning an aspect of your dynamic?  If so, tell us about it.  If not, are posturing and positioning something you would consider incorporating into your dynamic?

2.)  Are you (or your partner) a sadist?  If so, what’s you favorite type of sadomasochistic play…physical, emotional and/or mental?  If not, can you tolerate any S&m play?  Hard limit?  NMK?

3.)  Change is enviable.  All we can do is deal with it with as much grace and poise as possible.

~Beautifully Broken~

​Making Time For BDSM In Your Daily Life

September 15, 2016

Above everything else, BDSM is a mindset.

BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is an abstract construct which encompasses all of the physical acts of both sexual and non-sexual dominance and submission.  Many people have asked what it takes to keep a BDSM relationship going long term, in both scene-only and 24/7 dynamics.  The answer is simple.

It takes dedication.

We all have busy lives.  Pursuing careers, responding to family obligations, fulfilling  volunteer work, raising children, keeping in touch with friends and family, satisfying household responsibilities are issues we all face.  We all have learned how to juggle our commitments very well.

Unfortunately, keeping so many different balls in the air sometimes means that other areas get neglected.  It happens.  However, making time for those relationships and activities which are important to us needs to be just as much of a priority as everything else we do in our busy day.  There’s a saying which states, “If it matters to you, you will find a way.  If it doesn’t matter to you, you will find an excuse”.  I think this saying definitely applies to our Lifestyle relationships.

We make time for what is important to us.  Plain and simple.  If you have to get the kids to bed early so you and your SO can have a quiet S&M session, do it.  If you have to find childcare so you and your SO can go on a weekend getaway a few times a year, do it.  If you have to wake up early so you and your SO can have some uninterrupted shower sex before cooking breakfast, do it.  Be creative!!  Have fun with your scheduling.  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking scheduled sex and scenes kills the romance.  Ya know what does kill the romance?  Not having the time for any sex or scenes!!  It’s all about your shared mindset.  If you both want it bad enough, make it happen.

Okay, so you say you desperately want to make time to play with your SO but every time a scheduled sex and/or scene arrives, one of you isn’t in the mood.  What then?  Well, obviously things come up and life gets in the way…but sometimes you need to push past those feelings in order to get into that BDSM mindset.  Sending naughty, or downright dirty, texts to one another throughout the day will ignite your passions so much that you’re counting the minutes until your scheduled session later that evening.  Inserting an anal plug and/or adorning nipple clamps under your clothing as you finish work, per your D-type’s orders, can help you leave Type A Personality Woman at the office and more easily transition to His Stupid Whore by the time you arrive Home.  Listening to selections from the BDSM music playlist from your last session on the way Home from work can help you shake off your shitty day and help you transform back into the Dominant you know you are.  If it matters to you, you WILL find a way.  If not…well, you know where this is going.

What are some ways you and your SO make time to nurture and evolve your BDSM relationship?  Can you share any tips you have learned that might help others?

~Beautifully Broken~