Tag: Dominant

Micro-needles 

October 7, 2016

​I ordered two sets of Micro-needles from Wish.  Micro-needles are the needles that penetrate the skin on the face and body during elective microdermabrasion treatments to decrease the appearance of scars, stretch marks, cellulite and to stimulate hair growth.  One set has 9 needles and the other has 36.  They are very, very tiny…much smaller than I thought they’d be, really…but to my surprise and delight, they’re actually very sharp and rather painful.  They draw much more blood than a lancet, which is all relative, since the lancets produced no blood at all on neither me nor my partner.  I really love when Daddy and I find amazing kinky uses for non-kinky products! 

*As with any item that breaks the skin and has contact with body fluids, personal responsibility to health and safety standards of that particular item, as well as operation under informed consent, are both vital to a safe and healthy BDSM experience with Micro-needles.  

What are your thoughts on using Micro-needles as BDSM pervertables?

~Beautifully Broken~

Do Dominants and Submissives Reflect One Another As They Affect One Another…?

October 1, 2016

*Originally written and posted to Facebook on June 17, 2015

I’ve been privy to many conversations today…and maybe it’s just me putting my own spin on things…but the concept of BDSM relationships and how the actions of D-types and their s-types reflect upon one another and affect one another keeps coming up.  The D/s & M/s dynamics are multi-faceted ones and there are also many layers under the surface of each facet.  We as couples take refuge in each other…we understand our mates as no one else in the world does because we not only see the layers inside, we also know why these layers exist.

These differences are felt across the board…from sub among sub and certainly from relationship among relationship.  What can be viewed as disrespectful behavior in one dynamic is playful in another.  What is seen as abuse by one s-type is seen as primal play by another.  The difference lies in the comfort level, information level and desire level between the D and s in each particular relationship.

As far as D’s and s’s reflecting on each other, i believe that they do…but HOW they reflect upon one another is really none of anyone else’s business.  The couple that seems to endlessly fight are doing so because they are learning to navigate thru communication issues.  The couple who goes to extremes in all things are learning about limits, boundaries and self control.  The most brutal S/m couples are finding ways to heal their pain.  

What I’m saying is that the beauty of this Lifestyle is to be found when we learn from our differences among our Sisters and Brothers.  Our journies are all unique and the best we can hope to be as Lifestylers can be found when we bond thru our similarities and learn thru our differences.  We never really understand the choices or behaviors of another until they let us in or when we experience their reality ourselves.

Judge not…lest ye be judged.

~Beautifully Broken~

Answers In The Silence:  Truths and Myths About Practicing Responsible BDSM

September 30, 2016

​I was chatting online with a friend the other night who’s boyfriend wants to get more into BDSM in their relationship.  He wants to not only Top her in bed but also move towards a 24/7 power exchange.  I began explaining that going from rough, kinky sex to a full time D/s relationship was a HUGE step, one that would be best achieved by taking several small steps rather than one huge leap, working up to the ultimate goal of a 24/7 power exchange over time.  

She then informed me that this ‘BDSM thing’ was all HIS idea, not hers.  She wasn’t even sure she wanted this…especially with him ‘fooling around’ with other women.

I explained that any relationship must be built on a solid foundation of trust in order to function in a healthy and fulfilling manner.  Trust is only built though open and honest communication and consistent actions.  I suggested she talk to her boyfriend about his behaviors and told her that she needed to put everything on the table with him before they even *think* about adding any type of BDSM play or power exchange into their relationship.  

She explained that they don’t really talk…about anything uncomfortable or serious…in their relationship.  He does what he does, denies doing it and when he is ‘caught’, he just tries to pretend it never happened in the first place.  I reminded my friend that people on my treat us how we allow them to treat us and that we have the personal responsibility to speak up and act when we find that our best interests are not being considered by our partners.  I told her nothing was going to change until she made that change herself.  She responded that she thought i would say that a submissive would just accept any infidelity because the Dominant is always right.  

I explained that BDSM is all about consent and if a submissive didn’t specifically consent to outside relationships in their dynamic, then the Dominant would be in the wrong to pursue and/or hide them.  I also mentioned that sometimes the most important issues are completely discussed in the silence that is created when one partner is being deceptive.

What do you think about a person wanting to get into BDSM only because they thought they could do whatever they wanted as a Dominant or because they thought they wouldn’t have to do anything at all as a submissive?  What would you say to a person or couple in this type of situation?

~Beautifully Broken~

Introduction And Negotiation of Kink Into A Non-Kinky Relationship 

September 27, 2016

Image Credit: Rebel Circus at http://www.rebelcircus.com and on Facebook at https://m.facebook.com/therebelcircus/

Many people ask, “How can I turn my vanilla partner kinky?”.  The short answer isn’t the answer they hope to hear because no, in fact, you cannot turn a non-kinky person into a kinky person.  You cannot expect another person to be someone they are not meant to be.  You especially cannot make someone be anything that they don’t *want* to be… and really, when you think about it, it’s immoral to ask anyone to change simply to suit your specific needs.  Would you alter your values and desires to be what someone else wanted you to be?  I sincerely hope not.

While you aren’t ever going to turn your vanilla partner kinky, you can, with their express consent and genuine interest, expose them to the different aspects of alternative lifestyles which interest you.  Don’t expect miracles.  Don’t expect anything.  Just honestly offer up who you are and what your needs and desires entail.  See if you can negotiate a compromise between your needs and their comfort zone.  That’s what all relationships are about, after all, communication and compromise.

So how do you begin to communicate your need and/or desire for BDSM in your current relationship?  You must first have a clear and concise idea of what your needs and/or desires are and be able to express them to your partner in a relaxed and realistic manner.  If YOU don’t know why you want to practice BDSM and what you hope to get out of it, you can’t expect your partner to be of much help here…and, you’ll probably make them incredibly uncomfortable, if not downright anxious or even scared.

Go online, search and fill out a very basic BDSM scenario and implement checklist.  If you don’t understand a word, a term or an act listed, please go look it up.  Remember, YOU want to pitch BDSM as a good and fun idea to your partner, right?  It helps to know what you’re talking about to such a depth that you should feel comfortable answering your partner’s basic level questions.  If you are asked about something you do not understand, please research and seek out answers together.

BDSM isn’t just about pain and kinky sex.  BDSM not only encompasses the realms of bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism, but also many other abstract ideas, such as control, power, trust, respect, obedience, humility, spirituality, connection and the list goes on and on.  Open and honest discussions with your partner about what your interest in BDSM actually entails can go a long way in making the idea seem less scary and way more doable.  With any luck, both you and your partner will find new areas of interest that will leave you both eager for further exploration!

But…  What if that doesn’t happen?  What if your partner’s not into the kinks and fetishes you’ve been daydreaming about fulfilling?  What if your partner won’t even talk to you about it at all and never even hears about your kinky wonderings?  Well, if that happens, all you can do is be a grown up and deal with it.  Your partner doesn’t owe you their participation in acts that to which they never consented.  Be grateful they even gave you the time to speak on your issue.  If you need BDSM to be a part of your life so badly, and your partner just won’t participate with you, you owe it to the both of you to be honest about that and dissolve the relationship, then and there.  

Some people may think that a harsh recourse, but I really belive that if you honestly know you won’t be satisfied in your current relationship without some aspects of BDSM, then be a decent person and say so.  Don’t try to negotiate with your partner now that they’ve told you they aren’t interested, the time for vetting and negotiating was at the beginning of the relationship.  Definitely don’t try to coerce or badger your partner, don’t lay any guilt trips.  It’s not fair to try to change the rules halfway through the game.  Either stay contented with the relationship as it is or move along to greener pastures, only you can decide what’s best for you, but please have basic consideration for the best interestsof your partner as well.  Such basic considerations and responsibilities for yourself and others are in fact one of the foundations of practicing BDSM.

~Beautifully Broken~

Four Ways To Fight Clean

September 25, 2016

Image and inspirational credit to Blush at http://pin.it/FD9ZdK3

I’ll be honest here…I almost bypassed this meme without saving it because I had no intentions of posting it.  You see, I use these internet memes that I find to spark inspiration for my writing.  When I saw this one, it stopped me, but I thought,  “This is completely inapplicable.  D/s and especially M/s relationship don’t ‘fight’, they discuss”.  
Yeah. Maybe in a perfect world…or maybe if you or your partner(s) just aren’t the excitable type when tensions arise.  

If that’s the case, good for you!  Otherwise, you’re like the rest of us who do, occasionally, lose our cool when we become hyper emotional, no matter our relationship dynamic.  I gave this list a second glance and then I saved it so I could share it here. 

Fighting in a relationship isn’t productive.  Discussions are what is productive and that’s what most strive for when communicating uncomfortable or intense ideas to our partner(s).  Self control and personal responsibility are never to be forgotten in any relationship, but especially not with your significant other(s).  

The rules of your power exchange should also always apply, no matter the circumstances or expressed emotions, unless of course, the dynamic has made special allowances specifically for such events.  Otherwise, most s-type would be ill-advised to lash out at their D-type…but unfortunately, it does happen.

These four steps are guidelines to learning new behaviors during an intense or emotional discussion with your partner(s).  Taking a moment to remember these points when you are upset will definitely save a lot of unnecessary tears, snger, distrust and punishments.

What are some other steps you take when you’re upset or emotional so that you don’t fight with your partner(s)?

~Beautifully Broken~

DIY BDSM Project: Sensory Play Leather Tacked Vampire Gloves

August 15, 2016

​You don’t need to be a millionaire to have your own amazing room filled with BDSM equipment!!  Make some yourself!!

Sensory Play Leather Tacked Vampire Gloves…

Yes, Soft Limit or Hard Limit?  Check out this post before the name scares you away!  😉

These tacked leather gloves can be used for several types of scenes and BDSM-related activities, such as sensory play, impact play and even blood play.  They are very simple props and they’re highly effective at achieving any of the desired effects, depending upon the personal preferences of the parties involved.

They’re a very simple and fairly inexpensive DIY project for even the most un-handy of kinksters (pun totally intended!!).  All you will need to create these gloves are: 

1.  a pair of leather gloves

2.  a box of thumb tacks

3.  hot glue and/or fabric glue

4.  a wooden or plastic dowel.  

That’s it!  You can have your own pair of amazing BDSM gloves in just a few simple steps:

1.  Turn the gloves inside out, using the dowel to fully turn the fingertips.  

2.  Press the thumb tacks through the fabric, with the pointed end poking through the leather, away from the wearer’s skin and toward the reciever.  

3.  Once you have the desired amount of thumb tacks pressed through in the patterns you desire, glue them all down on to the fabric part on the inside of the glove.  

4.  Allow the glue to dry.  

5.  When the glue is completely dried, you can use the dowel again to push the fingertips completely back right side out so you don’t scratch or poke yourself.  Unless, of course, you’re into that kinda thing…  😉

Definitely one of the easiest DIY BDSM toys/props I’ve come across so far, hands down!  (I’m so punny!)

Would you like to experiment with these sensory play leather gloves?  Would you be able to make a pair (or two!) for you and your partner(s)?  How would you like to use these gloves in a scene…? For sensory play, impact play, blood play?  What’s your opinion?

~Beautifully Broken~