The behaviors we accept are the behaviors we receive.
As s-types within this community, we are taught to vet all potential partners, to have lists of questions to ask…a list of limits to express, a list of desires to share, etc….at the ready for our suitor(s) and to pull them out at the perfect time, just when we’re both/all ready, without fear or apprehension and with total honesty from all involved.
To compile these lists, we must first know ourselves and our personal intricacies very, very well. We must be keenly aware of our patterns, our flaws, our shortcomings as well as our ingenuity, our strengths and our triumphs AND be able to express ourselves calmly, without shame or indignation. It’s a huge undertaking.
Its especially difficult because we are most often in a place where we feel lonely, unsure (at best) and (usually) horny when we are most in need of this type of protocol.
We as single and/or unowned s-types have had to face our cravings for dominance, possibly also for pain, as we navigate the local and/or online BDSM communities. Sometimes we deal with desperation and hopelessness. That type of headspace can, and usually does, lower our inhibitions and we easily drift into accepting and, indeed welcoming, unsafe and unhealthy behaviors, both from ourselves and from others. The ‘tapes’ repeat, ad infinitum, to our detriment and ultimate breakdown until we break the cycle.
So…how do we break the cycle?
Introspection breaks the cycle. Honest, gritty, brutal introspection.
Why do we accept behaviors that we wouldn’t stand for concerning our friends? Why do others seem to matter more to us than we matter to ourselves? How do we break from THIS destructive and detrimental cycle?
We have to change our behaviors.
We are in charge of our own behavior. We are ONLY in charge of our own behavior. We aren’t in control of anyone or anything in this world. If we want change, we have to be the change we want to see.
What changes will you become?