Worst.  Week.  Ever!

I had a fucking terrible week.  

The job search has entered the interview phase and I’m so exhausted.  I just want a full time job with benefits or enough part time work to be able to pay for healthcare benefits myself.  I’ve been waiting all week on something really big to go thru and now it has been delayed.  The other big thing may already be out of my grasp.  

I have to get back to the job search on Monday but for tonight, I’m just done.  I am so fucking done.  I got a letter from my job informing me that as soon as I am making more money, I will have my wages garnished because of non-payment of a bill that was in my name that my ex said he paid 6 years ago.  He never paid it.  Like I have an extra $750.00 just laying around.  Sure.

The cubs are with my ex and Daddy and I are alone (mostly) all weekend.  All I HAVE to do this weekend is bake a mountain of cupcakes for my youngest’s 7th birthday, which just happens to fall on Mother’s Day this year.  Daddy will take care of the breakfasts, lunches, snacks and orgasms all weekend.  I can nap whenever I want.  All I have to do is get out of my funk and enjoy our weekend together without backsliding into any bad old habits.  I will always be an addict and when I don’t use, I want to shop.  So, recognizing that behavior, I am not shopping.  I’ll just pray that other people are shopping and dump their paychecks at my store lol.

Knowing I have a wonderful Dom who would move mountains for me if I just asked Him to…I still cannot let go of this mood.  Oh well.  I will keep trying.

Hey, nobody’s perfect.

Have a great weekend, everyone…  xo

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Being “Little” in Relation to BDSM

A member of another group asked what being a ‘little’ was all about as this person was wondering if it was for them.  This was the best answer I could give.  What do you think about my answer?  Does it ring true for you or am I way off the mark?

On Being “Little”, in Relation to BDSM…

Ok, this is the way I see it…  We ALL have some version of a ‘little’ in us.  It’s what’s called our ‘inner child’.  Some people spend their adult lives either ignoring, being ashamed of or trying to silence him/her, but I think that is incredibly unhealthy.  I’m not saying everyone needs to indulge their inner child to the extent that some littles do but I think ignoring or trying to silence them is just as bad as over indulgence.

As adults, most of us cannot be little all the time, nor would we enjoy it.  The people who are Adult Babies every day of their lives are missing the wonderful things about being whatever adult age they are, imo.  

Being a little doesn’t have to only be about regression…it can also be about nurturing the inner child that was hurt, abused or misunderstood in some way.  The extent to which we let our little “out” depends on personal preference and on our partner’s comfortability with the issue.  My Dom…my Daddy Dom, actually…enjoys when I can relax enough and find time enough to indulge my little but I don’t think He would ever want to see me as the ‘third child’ in our family.  He loves, appreciates and needs my adult self to be the driving force in our dynamic.  And that’s ok because it works for both of us.

Some littles like babydoll nighties & frilly dresses, all white and pink…some of us, instead, like the Lolita fashion of corsets and garters.  It’s all up to the person, with the consideration of their partner, if they so choose it to be.  

YOU ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL!!  You aren’t crazy or bad or childish for wanting to explore this side of you.  You don’t have to have tea parties with stuffies or suck a pacifier to be little.  I don’t.  It’s all about what actions and behaviors nurture YOUR inner child in a healthy and consensual manner.

~Beautifully Broken~

Where’d My Little Go…?

Submission isn’t supposed to be weak.  We don’t submit because we are frail & have no other choice but to have Another rule our daily life.  In fact, the choice to submit must be our own if it is to be meaningful at all.  Respect cannot be insitsted upon, nor can domination be demanded, neither aggressively nor passively.  Submission must be a choice.

When i was very new to the Lifestyle, 15 or so years ago, i had the dicotomy all wrong.  I bought into the falicy that i was supposed to be this shrinking violet, a fragile waif of a girl who should be thankful that a big, strong, capable man was offering to make all my sexual fantasies come true.  It was laughable…especially since i was then & always have been a very dominating personality in most of my interpersonal relationships.  I am a natural leader, a caregiver and a go-to gal.  I didn’t think that boded well for a submissive so i played those aspects of my personality waaaaay down for many years.

Now, i understand that any D-type with which i would want a deep relationship would not want a little lost girl as His s-type.  Brian has said time & time again that He doesn’t want a Stepford sub, someone incapable of leading herself.  

It is because of my strength that He is honored to dominate me.  He knows how vulnerable i am when i allow myself to be dominated, how much of my will i sacrifice for His on a daily basis & just what it means to me to relinquish that control.  He wouldn’t have anything to control if i had nothing to offer Him.  Other D-types may feel differently, but their feelings are of no consequence to me.

So, establishing that s-types are strong and capable, what happens when we don’t feel so strong…or when we don’t want to be strong??

I have heard s-types who identify as littles say it is abuse when their D-type tells them to be an adult.  I don’t feel that way, but i can understand their reasoning.  It’s very hard to accept being told to silence an aspect of yourself.  It’s even harder to have the topic ignored entirely.  

Sometimes tho, there is no time or place to be little in daily life.  Sometimes our D-types cannot be that safe, warm place in which we can hide or frolic…and that reality is a harsh one.  It can be difficult to let your little back out after so long adulting.  Vulnerability of that magnitude cannot be forced or dialed up on command.

So my question is this…  

What do you do in your dynamic when your Daddy isn’t Daddying and your submissive little is adulting?  How do you find that balance between work (service) & play (being little)?

~Beautifully Broken~

The Ritual of The Conversation Game

Conversation Starters…
No matter how long you have been with your partner(s), you can always learn more about them.  You might be surprized by what you learn…or that one quirk that you just couldn’t understand might finally make sense!

Daddy and i had games of ‘Truth or Dare” and “20 Questions” over the phone when we were long distance and over the 2 1/2 years, every session lasted into the wee hours of the morning.  

Here’s a list of conversation starters i found on Pinterest to help break the ice when incorporating these types of discussions into your dynamic…and let these questions inspire you to write down your own questions AND ACTUALLY ASK them of your partner(s).  

No hang ups, no fear.  No bullshit.  This ritual requires total honesty and it doesn’t work any other way. 

If necessary, make a rule that no one can get angry/pout/agrue about anything that’s said and that any sensitive issues that come up will be discussed gently and respectfully and make sure everyone involves follows the rule.  

If you have a safeword, discuss if it can be used if the game gets too intense or make up a seperate ’emotional safeword’ to use in times of emotional distress.  

If a topic is off limits, state it outright.  You are allowed to maintain limits while still being completely honest.  Don’t ask questions to which you aren’t ready to hear the answers.  

These are the basic steps to beginning the truly open and honest communication on which our Lifestyle is built.  

And don’t forget…  HAVE FUN!!  Not every session has to be so deep, especially in the beginning.  This ritual game is a process, like everything else in our Lifestyle.  
~Beautifully Broken~

A Poem About Pain…

​When it hurts, i want to run

But there’s nowhere to go.

So i’d take the blade up to my skin…

And cut it nice and slow.
Now that i have finally learned 

How to be just who i am,

The blood no longer flows 

Like water thru a broken dam
He taught me how to stand up

Brave and tall, i always stand my ground

He did this because there will be a time

When He is not around.
He told me that i must not break

I am too strong, the mighty Cat

He showed me that i can survive

Without hurting myself like that.
If pain is needed, HE gives it out

As it is His cross to bear

For once He’s gone, i need to know

In my heart, our blood, He’s there…
~Beautifully Broken~

BB’S BOUTIQUE Two Month Anniversary Promo Sale!!!!!

​I have several pieces of each item pictured in stock and available for immediate delivery, just in time for the holidays season!!  Each item is individually priced…but I’ll do Custom 3 Piece Bundles for $20 + S/H.

Email beautifullybrokensubmissive@gmail.com with your choice of items and your shipping information to recieve your Custom Purchase Invoice to order! 

~Beautifully Broken~

Three Years Ago…

…I was in the worst place I had ever been.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, I was completely bankrupt.  My vanilla marriage was crashing and burning, thrashing about in its agony, yet it just would not die.  I had stopped eating, cleaning the house, showering, doing laundry.  I could barely take care of my boys I was so mired down in my hellish depression.  EVERY OUNCE of energy I had each day went towards keeping them clean, fed and content.  I hated my life…but i loved my kids.  

I felt my 65 months of sobriety slipping away…and I had zero fuck to give.  I had just started talking to this guy in California thru Facebook’s messenger.  He seemed pretty cool…but a million miles away.  I told Him in needed a Dom.  He told me that I needed to listen to Him and not use.  I promised I wouldn’t.  I used later that afternoon.  I told Him what I had done and how I knew I was going to do it again…so I was checking myself into rehab.  He said He was proud of me and that He’d be there waiting when I got out.  That was the beginning of our dynamic.

Daddy looked right into the deepest, darkest part of me and found another like Himself.  I don’t know what He thought we’d become but He began micromanaging my every minute of my day (at my request) about a month after I got out of the hospital.  My household chores, my meal planning and preparation, my free time, all of it was at His discretion, even though He was 3,000 miles away.

Now, three years later, I’m in Phlebotomy classes, running and branding a new business, managing the household and caring for the children, all with His help, as He moved across country to live with us about 10 months ago.  Our lives have changed so dramatically and we’ve all come so incredibly far.  I couldn’t be more proud to be His submissive, His wife, His partner…and their Mother.  And He’s their Papa…their full time male role model.  Their Father.

I’m beyond grateful and happy right now and it’s even sweeter still because I can still remember that bitter twang on the back of my tongue back when everything was sour.  The only sweetness was the little bits of hope He taught me to see as His submissive…and slowly , we began making our dreams come true.

Happy Three Year Anniversary , Daddy !  I love You more than words can ever express.  Thank You for walking with me along our incredible journey.

~Beautifully Broken~

Finding Your Personal Balance of Submission And Independence 

I’ve often heard a newly enthralled couple stating things like, “You complete me’, to one another in person and in social media comments, as they coo and snuggle together (virtually, if need be).  We’ve read posts in this very group where couples have described themselves as being “everything” to each other, the “end all and be all” of their “universe”.  The flowery words of poetic sentiment, describing the emotions (as explosive fireworks and as paralyzing electricity) of a new relationship can get pretty racy pretty quickly.  Add in the extra intensity of a newly forged BDSM relationship and I’ve even heard the phrase, “Death means nothing”, in reference to the strength of the bond between the two parties.  (Oh wait, I remember where I’ve heard that.  I said it.  More than once.)

Are those poetic participles of passion a bit sappy and ultimately meaningless?  Yes, definitely…and no, not at all.

As with everything else, perception of the circumstances is key and everything is relative.  Semantics get in the way and all art gets torn from the moment.  And that’s good.  Sometimes we need to see what’s really going on right before our eyes in the absolute most objective way possible.

All of the memories of all those sweet words which were once whispered into your ear will not be enough to keep you from breaking down should the relationship come to an untimely end.  In fact, if you’re like most people, simply recalling the sentimentality of those words of love will make you want to scream when thought of after the relationship is ended.  It doesn’t matter how it ends either.  Only multally amicable partings are not completely devastating.  Otherwise, someone’s either cursing or praising the other’s name, depending ding on just how their partner exited the scene.

We are all very hard on ourselves on a daily basis.  Some of us even have protocol in our dynanic’s about negative self talk and defamatory remarks about our D-type’s property.  Talking and even thinking poorly of oneself is extremely unhealthy and counterproductive.  Most Doms will put guidelines into play because of the severity of psychological damage that comes along with that type of behavior.  Yet many of us still do it every single day.  Why?

I believe that a major reason for this type of negative attitude is because of deeply rooted insecurities which have gained a foothold in our psyche, going as far back as early childhood in some cases.  This type of discord brings about a lack of confidence, massive insecurities and low self esteem.  Exhibiting those negative traits makes for the perfect storm of neurosis, a breeding ground for poor, and even dangerous, life choices which are doomed from the start.  Living with all of those underlying psychological issues, all the while avoiding the  uncomfortable…and downright scary…root of the emotional turmoil (which triggered the occurrences of the negative and unhealthy coping mechanisms in the first place) only sets us up to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, abandonment, distrust or what have you.

Sometimes a person can only begin to see themselves for who and what they really are by looking at themselves through the eyes of another person.  This type of objectivity is the main focus of cognitive therapy.  Sometimes a person can only begin to change their behavior for the better when given the directives to do so by another person they deem “in authority” per whatever qualifications they feel are important at the time.  I can see why patients are sometimes known to transfer strong emotions, and even sexual energy, onto their therapists.  Therapists are trained to deal with this occurrence and are honor bound not to encourage that type of behavior.  The rules for such transference aren’t so clear for many people, Lifestyle or otherwise, when this type of intense relationship occurs between people when other attractions are also present.

Participation in therapy is a requirement for many dynamics and BDSM should not be a substitute for that therapy in any way.  The dependence an s-type feels toward his/her D-type can be incredibly strong, the emotions can become almost overpowering, but any relationship, Lifestyle or otherwise, cannot be your whole universe.

No one can be your rock.  Rocks come and go.  You must be your own rock, first and foremost.  It’s wonderful to love someone, it’s spiritual to submit to someone…and it’s tragically painful to be left by someone.  I’m not saying to hold back your love or your submission but one MUST have a strong foundation of self-worth and belief in self-reliance before control can be given to another in any meaningful way.  I know, I “submitted ” before I was ready a few times…and in all but one case, I was damaged by the experience, to one degree or another.  All that pain and heartache can be easily avoided by simply taking your time with vetting, questioning, interviewing and negotiating with prospective partners…but it takes a healthy sense of self-worth to be able to learn how to do that and avoid the siren song of subfrenzy.

~Beautifully Broken~

​Making Time For BDSM In Your Daily Life

Above everything else, BDSM is a mindset.

BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is an abstract construct which encompasses all of the physical acts of both sexual and non-sexual dominance and submission.  Many people have asked what it takes to keep a BDSM relationship going long term, in both scene-only and 24/7 dynamics.  The answer is simple.

It takes dedication.

We all have busy lives.  Pursuing careers, responding to family obligations, fulfilling  volunteer work, raising children, keeping in touch with friends and family, satisfying household responsibilities are issues we all face.  We all have learned how to juggle our commitments very well.

Unfortunately, keeping so many different balls in the air sometimes means that other areas get neglected.  It happens.  However, making time for those relationships and activities which are important to us needs to be just as much of a priority as everything else we do in our busy day.  There’s a saying which states, “If it matters to you, you will find a way.  If it doesn’t matter to you, you will find an excuse”.  I think this saying definitely applies to our Lifestyle relationships.

We make time for what is important to us.  Plain and simple.  If you have to get the kids to bed early so you and your SO can have a quiet S&M session, do it.  If you have to find childcare so you and your SO can go on a weekend getaway a few times a year, do it.  If you have to wake up early so you and your SO can have some uninterrupted shower sex before cooking breakfast, do it.  Be creative!!  Have fun with your scheduling.  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking scheduled sex and scenes kills the romance.  Ya know what does kill the romance?  Not having the time for any sex or scenes!!  It’s all about your shared mindset.  If you both want it bad enough, make it happen.

Okay, so you say you desperately want to make time to play with your SO but every time a scheduled sex and/or scene arrives, one of you isn’t in the mood.  What then?  Well, obviously things come up and life gets in the way…but sometimes you need to push past those feelings in order to get into that BDSM mindset.  Sending naughty, or downright dirty, texts to one another throughout the day will ignite your passions so much that you’re counting the minutes until your scheduled session later that evening.  Inserting an anal plug and/or adorning nipple clamps under your clothing as you finish work, per your D-type’s orders, can help you leave Type A Personality Woman at the office and more easily transition to His Stupid Whore by the time you arrive Home.  Listening to selections from the BDSM music playlist from your last session on the way Home from work can help you shake off your shitty day and help you transform back into the Dominant you know you are.  If it matters to you, you WILL find a way.  If not…well, you know where this is going.

What are some ways you and your SO make time to nurture and evolve your BDSM relationship?  Can you share any tips you have learned that might help others?

~Beautifully Broken~