Submission isn’t supposed to be weak. We don’t submit because we are frail & have no other choice but to have Another rule our daily life. In fact, the choice to submit must be our own if it is to be meaningful at all. Respect cannot be insitsted upon, nor can domination be demanded, neither aggressively nor passively. Submission must be a choice.
When i was very new to the Lifestyle, 15 or so years ago, i had the dicotomy all wrong. I bought into the falicy that i was supposed to be this shrinking violet, a fragile waif of a girl who should be thankful that a big, strong, capable man was offering to make all my sexual fantasies come true. It was laughable…especially since i was then & always have been a very dominating personality in most of my interpersonal relationships. I am a natural leader, a caregiver and a go-to gal. I didn’t think that boded well for a submissive so i played those aspects of my personality waaaaay down for many years.
Now, i understand that any D-type with which i would want a deep relationship would not want a little lost girl as His s-type. Brian has said time & time again that He doesn’t want a Stepford sub, someone incapable of leading herself.
It is because of my strength that He is honored to dominate me. He knows how vulnerable i am when i allow myself to be dominated, how much of my will i sacrifice for His on a daily basis & just what it means to me to relinquish that control. He wouldn’t have anything to control if i had nothing to offer Him. Other D-types may feel differently, but their feelings are of no consequence to me.
So, establishing that s-types are strong and capable, what happens when we don’t feel so strong…or when we don’t want to be strong??
I have heard s-types who identify as littles say it is abuse when their D-type tells them to be an adult. I don’t feel that way, but i can understand their reasoning. It’s very hard to accept being told to silence an aspect of yourself. It’s even harder to have the topic ignored entirely.
Sometimes tho, there is no time or place to be little in daily life. Sometimes our D-types cannot be that safe, warm place in which we can hide or frolic…and that reality is a harsh one. It can be difficult to let your little back out after so long adulting. Vulnerability of that magnitude cannot be forced or dialed up on command.
So my question is this…
What do you do in your dynamic when your Daddy isn’t Daddying and your submissive little is adulting? How do you find that balance between work (service) & play (being little)?