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~Beautifully Broken~

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Attentiveness in D/s Caregiver Relationship Dynamics

Attentive…

Image Credit: Google search of ‘attentive’.  Thanks, Google ❤💋

Last week, my Dom went grocery shopping with the list that I had created for Him, per His request.  I realized MINUTES after He left the house, without His cell phone (of course), that I had forgotten to write down that we needed ketchup on that grocery list.  Ugh!!!!  

We’d had a discussion, a few days prior, about needing more ketchup and I mentioned that I wanted to start buying organic ketchup from now on, after reading all about the terrible types and amounts of preservatives used in most major brands of ketchup.  It wasn’t a huge discussion, just a quick exchange in passing while I was cooking in the kitchen.  I mentally scolded myself for the defeat that forgotten ketchup had brought upon me.  

Sigh…

So can you possibly imagine my shock and delight when Daddy returned home from grocery shopping with a bottle of ketchup??  And…it was the ORGANIC KETCHUP. 

I seriously fell in love with Him on a whole new level that day.  

Now, remembering to get my organic ketchup may not seem like a big deal…but really, it was and IS huge.  My Daddy demonstrated one instance of His consistent and absolute attentiveness to my wants and needs.  Through this condiment shopping example, I saw how He is always listening to me when i speak, absorbing and processing that new information, storing that information so that it can be accessed at a later date and then actually recalling said information exactly, whenever the need should arise, in order to fulfill one or more of my wants and/or needs.   

It still may not sound like much to some people.  I mean, isn’t listening and responding (or at least acknowledging) submissive’s wants and needs what a good Dom is supposed to do anyway?  Well, yes, it is what they are SUPPOSED to do in theory…but it’s huge when it actually happens in daily life and the moment shouldn’t be minimized nor taken for granted.  When a party in the relationship lives up to their word, especially without being asked or reminded, that party should be acknowledged and thanked for their consistent efforts.

Image Credit: http://membean.com/exemplars/attentive

I was almost in tears last night when I saw He remembered to get the pancake syrup I had (once again) forgotten to list for Him on the latest shopping list.  LIGHT SYRUP at that.  Daddy’s grocery item retention skills are really trumping my list writing skills.  However, I was not punished.  Daddy would never punish me for an honest mistake.  That’s just one of the qualities which make Him the wonderful Dominant that He is. 

These last six months of living together with my Daddy have been some of the most challenging and rewarding months I have ever lived.  I have learned so much about myself, about Him, about communication skills and about what real intimacy looks like…and how it feels.  We do get into our little tiffs, like most couples, but overall, I couldn’t be happier right now.  However, as His submissive, I have been pushing myself to measure up to some lofty expectations I had in my head of what it entails to be seen and to feel as a great live-in submissive.  I’ve been incredibly stressed at times trying to make everything work out perfectly.  Other times, everything feels so natural and I don’t have to work at submission at all, it just *is* and I just *am*.  I felt like I’ve found myself again, only this time, I like who I am becoming.  I think Daddy needed to show me that although I am very much in service to Him, He also, in very realistic manners, is in service to me.

Now, I know that last line can be taken as fairly contradictory and/or controversial to some per our D/s Caregiver power exchange dynamic but honestly, I don’t really care.  D/s cannot exist inside a vacuum and to us it isn’t only shades of black or white.  Nor is it ’50 Shades of Grey’.  Our relationship dynamic is exactly that…OURS…and I know we are very blessed to be able to truly see one another in this manner.  He remembers everything I need Him to remember and I know He sees everything that I need Him to see, just as I do in return for Him.  And I’ve always known that…but it is always nice to be reminded.  Those little reminders are what gives me the strength to proceed with confidence as it fuels my dedication to my wonderful  Family and my amazing Daddy ❤

~Beautifully Broken~

Four Ways To Fight Clean

Image and inspirational credit to Blush at http://pin.it/FD9ZdK3

I’ll be honest here…I almost bypassed this meme without saving it because I had no intentions of posting it.  You see, I use these internet memes that I find to spark inspiration for my writing.  When I saw this one, it stopped me, but I thought,  “This is completely inapplicable.  D/s and especially M/s relationship don’t ‘fight’, they discuss”.  
Yeah. Maybe in a perfect world…or maybe if you or your partner(s) just aren’t the excitable type when tensions arise.  

If that’s the case, good for you!  Otherwise, you’re like the rest of us who do, occasionally, lose our cool when we become hyper emotional, no matter our relationship dynamic.  I gave this list a second glance and then I saved it so I could share it here. 

Fighting in a relationship isn’t productive.  Discussions are what is productive and that’s what most strive for when communicating uncomfortable or intense ideas to our partner(s).  Self control and personal responsibility are never to be forgotten in any relationship, but especially not with your significant other(s).  

The rules of your power exchange should also always apply, no matter the circumstances or expressed emotions, unless of course, the dynamic has made special allowances specifically for such events.  Otherwise, most s-type would be ill-advised to lash out at their D-type…but unfortunately, it does happen.

These four steps are guidelines to learning new behaviors during an intense or emotional discussion with your partner(s).  Taking a moment to remember these points when you are upset will definitely save a lot of unnecessary tears, snger, distrust and punishments.

What are some other steps you take when you’re upset or emotional so that you don’t fight with your partner(s)?

~Beautifully Broken~

A Glimpse of The Evolution of Edging

“Sometimes I Need Reminding, But It Gets Easier…” was the original title of this post…because sometimes I do…and His tongue always reminds me.

I’ll be honest here.  I used to get VERY snippy and frustrated when Daddy wouldn’t allow me to climax for more than 2-3 days.  By Day 5, I could be a straight up bitch.  I know that sounds awful…but it’s something I’m still working on after all this time and I’m much better at controling my  emotions now.  For me, keeping my libido in check was MUCH harder when we were long distance…just having Him around every day for snuggles, hugs and kisses helps a lot when He decides it’s ‘Blow Job and Back Rub Week’.  Daddy never goes for more than a day without blowing His wad…unless He’s in one of His ‘Tease and Deny’ moods…and He almost always gets an hour massage before going to sleep every night so constantly touching Him is usually the release I need if He is denying me.  But.  Some night.  Some nights, touching and massaging Him, alone together, in the dark, is enough to drive me positively mad.  I know, I know…it’s not about me…but i still need to have my internal coping mechanisms for such situations.

Sometimes it amazes me how far we’ve come in just 2 1/2 years.  When we began our relationship, I was very insecure about so many different things…myself, my prospective relationship with Him, anything having to do with my future and my sobriety…I was a wreck.  Daddy walked with me in Spirit every single day, from across the country, while I worked to get my life back on track.  Along the way, I helped Him break through  some walls that He never thought were coming down.  We loved each other enough to let us each become the people we were always meant to be.  It’s rare when you find that…everyone wants you to change for them.  Here, we were changing for ourselves…and that’s why the changes stuck.

Now, since Daddy’s living here with me, I don’t get too bad when Daddy wants to deny me.  I don’t get angry, offended or upset, like I used to do that first year of our LDR.  I understand and appreciate our dynamic much more clearly.  Plus, when He finally allows me to cum…it’s not just sex, it’s a spiritual experience.  Phone sex was fantastic when that’s all we had to express our intimacy and lust.  Visits were wonderful but they were always foreshadowed with knowledge of their eventual end.  All of that is finally behind us.  Daddy’s Home now…and being in O/our bed together every night is…perfection 💙

~Beautifully Broken~

On This Day Last Year…7/31/15

On this day last year…7/31/15…I walked out of my city courthouse as a divorced woman.  My relationship with my vanilla husband had finally drawn to a close.  It was a doomed relationship from the start.

We both were dysfunctional addicts when we met.  I had just split up with my first D-type after 10+ years, a few years casually dating and 7 years of cohabitation.  I was a wreck…and my vanilla ex was my rebound.  A rebound that i just happened to marry.  I knew on my wedding day that the union would end in divorce.  It’s all I knew, being a child of divorce myself.  And I perpetuated the cycle.

I became pregnant with my first son 10 days after the wedding.  My firstborn, my Bear, is my savior.  His younger brother, Pup, is my joy.

After 7 years of marriage to their biological father, I was finally free of him.  I was free to be myself again.  My relationship with Daddy was completely unhindered by that technicality of law.  Daddy moved in with us in March of this year.  He’s been here for about 6 months now.

This has been the best year of my life so far…and things are only getting better.

~Beautifully Broken~

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What Is a Little?

BDSM is made up of a broad and vast spectrum of roles, identities and dynamics.  No where is this more visible than when discussing a “little”.   A little is a person who most often submits, either through their actions in a BDSM scene or within their personal mindset by means of a power exchange.  Littles can range from child-like to childish in their appearance and their behavior, both in and out of the context of BDSM.  Littles come in every shape, size, race, ethnicity, sex, gender and mindset.  The mere thought of trying to categorize us all has been daunting…and it has taken some dedicated time to write out here…but after getting some more insight from others within the community, I think I am beginning to understand the differences among all of the various types of littles, even the differences with which I do not agree nor endorse for myself.

Just a quick note…

When we are discussing any aspect of BDSM, and that includes littles, I am ONLY talking about consensual adults of legal age, whatever that may be for your area.  Personally, I don’t discuss BDSM with anyone under 18 years old and Daddy and I won’t play together with anyone who is under 21 years old, but that’s just O/our personal morality on the subject.

Recently, there has been an explosion on social media of adolescent girls and boys, from 11 to 17 years old, who are attracted to what they think it means to be a little and they claim to identify as such.  I assure you, they do not.  They cannot.  They are children, children who are playing at a very dangerous game, within a reality filled with adult scum who are more than happy to take advantage of all that pre-teen and teenage angst and melancholy, pretending to love and care for the adolescent, online and by phone, so they can take advantage of someone who they perceive to be “weaker” as they easy to manipulate and control.

SUCH A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT BDSM, IT IS NOT AGE PLAY, IT IS NOT ROLE PLAY NOR IS IT AN EXAMPLE OF ANY TYPE OF A BDSM CAREGIVER RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC.  

PRACTICING BDSM OR PARTICIPATING ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH MINORS IS IMMORAL AND ILLEGAL.

PERIOD. 

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s move on to the categorization of those amazing creature called “littles”.

Age Players vs Lifestylers

As I’ve previously stated, there are many variations of littles and the first method of categorization is to distinguish between those littles who are age players and those littles who are lifestylers.  While some littles may identity as a mixture between the two, almost all littles gravitate towards one or the other.  Being a little is either something you pretend to be during certain times or something you are all of the time.

Age Playing littles are the role players.  These people are only ‘little’ during certain times, with certain people and/or for specific purposes.  A person may choose to emotionally regress and exhibit their age playing ‘little side’ during a scene or for an evening and then they have the capability to turn it “off” and resume their normal day to day life as a mature adult when the specified time period is over.

Lifestyler littles are ‘little’ all of the time, even in their daily lives, to one degree or another.  For a lifestyler  little, being ‘little’ is a mindset and part of their core personality, rather than a role that they slip in and out of at their discretion or upon command.  Lifestyle littles may or may not emotionally regress as their constant state of mind can potentially make regressing obsolete.

Types of Littles 

  • Adult Babies

Adult Babies (AB) are the “youngest” type of little, usually exhibiting the behaviors of a newborn to 2 years old.  They can either role play as an adult acting as an infant or they can emotionally regress back to their “baby space”, the desired state of mind where they are inhibiting the headspace of an infant.  This desire to behave, dress and be treated as an infant is called infantilism.  Infantilists are driven by the need to feel safe and secure at the most primary level, having their most basic needs of food, shelter, cleanliness, warmth and love met by their Caregiver.  Adult Babies are the “submissive” partner in a Caregiver relationship dynamic because they receive that sensation of well being but the power exchange is much more driven by meeting the needs of the Adult Baby (or the “bottom”) rather than satisfying the desires of the Caregiver (or the “Top”).  The Caregiver counterpart to the AB can take whatever name the participants desire for the dynamic within a “parent/child”, “student/teacher” or other such caregiver paradigm.  While some ABs enjoy sexualized scenes when they are in “baby space”, the majority of them do not engage in any sexualized kinks athe all while in this headspace.  Adult Babies are not interested in nor do they condone any acts of pedophilia.  The appeal of the Caregiver relationship paradigm for many people is the express consent which is required in order to participate in such a bonded dynamic.  ABs may seek to reclaim their personal power after a history of sexual abuse during edge play scenarios with their Caregiver, if the trauma occurred very early on in life and the mindset is similarly applied,  but this type of exploration is at the sole discretion of each dynamic and should only be attempted in a safe and loving environment after completing thorough research and discussions.

  • Diaper Lovers

Diaper Lovers (DL) are often categorized with Adult Babies because they can share some of the same memtal/emotional/behavioral traits, but that’s where the similarities stop with Diaper Lovers.  DLs may or may not emotionally regress but for the Diaper Lovers, the desire is linked to the aspect control involved in the power exchange.  DL scenes can become highly sexualized and include other aspects of BDSM, such as bondage and discipline.  The participants in the dynamic may be scene only, 24/7 or anything in between.  They may subscribe to an M/s, D/s, switch power exchange and/or Caregiver dynamic.  They may share a diaper fetish which can increase the appeal to delve further in other aspects of control and sexuality in other BDSM edge play scenario, such as water sports and scat play.

  • Littles

Littles are next in line along the age regression, mental and emotional functionality and fetish chart.  Littles can range from 2 to 11 years old and can be further divided into “young littles” (2- 6) and “older littles” (7-11).  Both young and older littles can be both age playing role players as well as lifestyler mindset.  “Little space” can range from an exaggerated…and greatly extended…role play scenario to a quiet calm within while participating in childlike activities.  Some littles are into pacifiers and bottles but many leave that to the ABDLs.  Littles almost universally enjoy coloring, we find it therapeutic, although our choices in coloring pages and artistic mediums will vary greatly.  Scenes in “littles space” are almost entirely non-sexual among younger littles but sexualized scenes are common among older littles, whether they are role playing age players or maintain the lifestyler mindset.

  • Middles

Middles are the ‘teenagers’ of the littles.  Middles range from 12 to 17 years old, in various combinations of mental, emotional, behavioraland spiritual presentation.  Middles are usually always lifestyler mindset orientated but there are some who role play as a middle for specific periods of time and under certain conditions.  Middles are usually extremely sexual, to the point of being overt, in their scenes with their “Top”, “Big” and/or Caregiver, usually a (wo)man who is older than (s)he and facilitates the power exchange, be it D/s, switch or symbiotic Caregiver.  Middles may also be more prone to enjoy sadomasochistic activities within their dynamics more than some other types of littles.

  • Baby Girls/Baby Boys

Baby Girls and Baby Boys are a product of the Internet age.  Baby Girls and Baby Boys are most often found on online, on BDSM/kink/fetish pages and groups, using terrible grammar and outrageous spelling to convey their bratty, and often outright disrespectful, sentiments in chat conversations.  These are the littles who subscribe to a power exchange only if they are in fact the ones in charge.  The Daddies, Mommies or other such counterparts are driven near mad with the Baby Girl’s/Boy’s neediness and constant need for absolute attention, attention that can very well entail listening to baby talk for hours at a time.  These are the types who thrive on brattiness and lack any desire to submit, for whatever the motivating factor, and their “Big” Caregivers have to follow tow or quickly move along, sometimes after being accused of abuse due to “sniffling the exploration of (the female’s) baby girl side”.  There are always exceptions to every rule but this type of little does not see brattiness as a character flaw.  The Baby Girl/Boy is in complete control of this dynamic.  The relationship is driven by sexuality, exploration and debauchery and may very well include a ‘Daddy kink’ in addition to whatever power exchange and/or Caregiver paradigm they primarily pratice…or the Daddy Kink could be the entire motivating factor behind the relationship.  This dynamic can be based on an absolute lie or the god’s honest truth…but the chances of it ever coming to successful fruition are slim because of the physical and emotional boundaries contained within the foundation of the relationship itself.  Rarely are both parties actually seeking long term commitments, despite decrying otherwise.  The Baby Girl/Boy is seeking control and the counterpart is happy to oblige, turning the dynamic compleyely bottom-driven.

  • Babygirls/Lolitas

The Babygirl/Lolita type of little is perhaps the most sexually explicit of all the little submissive archetype described here.  The Babygirl/Lolita is the maiden, the sacred whore, the priestess, the ritual font from which all carnal knowledge is drawn, the Acolyte and even the Goddess Herself.  A Babygirl/Lolita is also about a display of submissive power, however this power is submitted to the Caregiver counterpart who takes the form of the priest, the sacred masculine and even God Himself.  These archetypes of Dominance and submission are ancient and sacred, repeating thru history to deepen the spiritual connection attained through the flesh.

  • Pets

     Pets can be classified as littles too!  A pet is a “bottom” who assumes a submissive role when behaving like an animal, usually an adorable kind of animal, like a kitten or puppy.  Pets can be of a role play mindset or a lifestyler mindset and it’s not uncommon for both types to overlap within one person or dynamic.  Pets may retain human qualities or give themselves over completely to their Owner/Caregiver, again, depending on the situation and/or dynamic. 

    The exact name that a little is given or takes for themselves can vary greatly from the ones listed above but each archetype description of the behavior and characteristics of a little stands firm.  Littles may submit, they may play at submitting, they may role play sexual submission or they may not submit at all, preferring the dominant role in their dynamics, or preferring none whatsoever.  For every type of little, there is a Big counterpart, no matter which type of dynamic they enjoy.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

    My 10 Steps To Surrender and Submission in a D/s Caregiver Relationship

    *Originally written and posted on Facebook on July 17, 2016.

    I have always been a woman who has feared change. I don’t trust easily. I am a creature of habit and whenever I have needed to grow and evolve, my signature move has always been to first dig in my heels and become as stubborn as stone before looking at the situation rationally. Relinquishing control in any situation has always initially filled me with at least low level of fear and anxiety because allowing someone else to have any control over me anywhere besides the bedroom hasn’t ever ended well for me or the relationship. All this sounds strange when you take into account that I am striving to be a devoted submissive. Along my journey with my Daddy Dominant, i have learned that the idea of fear and submission co-existing together inside the same person is, at best, a confusing contradiction of terms and at worst, a telltale sign of great hypocrisy. My fear has held me back in life more times than I can count…but I’m working on changing that permanently. I have broken these changes I have been making down into several steps that I have been tirelessly working…

    1. Step One: Know Yourself

    The biggest factors that continually reinforced my fear were actually my own thoughts and behaviors. I would choose partners who I knew were incapable of meeting my needs and when they would eventually let me down and hurt me, I would deal with it by displaying even more destructive behaviors so I could further punish myself and “get what I had coming”. That display was unhealthy emotional and physical masochism at its finest. I knew I had to change my thoughts and behaviors if I was ever going to have a fulfilling and rich life, especially a life built around any type of a D/s element. I had to let go of the self-destructive patterns (like overthinking and catastrophic thinking) and cease the self-sabotaging behaviors (like drug abuse and self harm techniques) that I had used my entire life and replace them with a new sense of becoming self aware and awakening my full potential by becoming praticed in healthy coping mechanisms.

    2. Step Two: Know Your Partner

    The fact that I wasn’t going thru this self discovery alone made this journey much easier to bare. My Dom has been doing His own reflecting, growing and changing right along with me. The second factor I needed to accept was that my Dom is in fact worthy of my complete submission because He has continually proven Himself to be capable of the responsibility of leading our Caregiver dynamic. He has proven His love, care, devotion, honorable intentions and capacity for dominance at every turn, in both His words and His actions. He understands that He cannot assume control of His submissive if He doesn’t have control of Himself and He strives to better Himself daily, right along side of me. Finding a partner who is on the same page spiritually, emotionally, intellectually as well as sexually and who is capable and eager to take this journey right along with me has been a tremendous gift that I shall never take for granted.

    3. Step Three: Ground Your Dynamic In Reality

    The third factor I had to overcome was the first step my Dom and i had to tackle together. From here on out, these steps were ours to master. We were challenged to design our new dynamic. Our previous dynamic was long distance with intermittent visits so while we could carry some aspects over into our new arrangement, we were pretty much starting from scratch when we began living together and began practicing our dynamic 24/7. As this was all new, we could design our dynamic as we choose and we quickly understood that we had to create it within our own personal reality. All the talking and hours of discussions were finally able to be put into practice and we modified situations and expectations as we went along. We also learned patience and humility as we designed our parameters and He got creative with His designs because of all the obstacles to our time and privacy. I came to see challenges as feats to be conquered rather than evidence of impending defeat because He helped me to see them as such.

    4. Step Four: Release Your Expectations

    We learned how to stay consistent to our goals and expectations while rolling with the punches of every day life. The fourth factor i needed to accept if we were going to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship was that our expectations of how our dynamic was “supposed” to look were often times holding us back from what our dynamic could someday potentially become. As a submissive, part of my responsibilities include expressing my needs, wants, sexual limits and emotional boundaries to my Dominant. As a Dominant, part of His responsibilities include working within those parameters to establish my routines, tasks, rituals and rules to reinforce His will. I learned that it is not my responsibility to hover, nag, manipulate or influence His will, because He already knows exactly what He wants to enforce in our dynamic. I need to demostrate my faith and trust in Him to both meet my needs as necessary and to satisfy my wants as He sees fit.

    5. Step Five: Focus on Gaines Rather Than Losses

    The only way I could demostrate this faith and trust to Him was to compleyely surrender control to Him, in and out of the bedroom, in all aspects of our lives together. The fifth factor that I needed to acknowledge was that I was not giving anything up by submitting to Him but rather I was gaining everything I had ever wanted. I did not need to mourn the life I gad previous but rather I could relax knowing that I now had the structure to live the life I wanted to live because He had given me the tools to thrive as I meet my goals. I now had a partner to co-parent our children along side me instead of being all on my own. The focus was now on teamwork rather than individuality…and that was tough to accept at first but I had to give Him the room to grow and conform into His new roles and responsibilities if He was ever going to be completely comfortable meeting them. He has rewarded my faith and encouragement with the love that only a real Man has for His wife and children.

    6. Step Six: Accept Your Faults and Flaws

    Looking back, I could have just shut my mouth, opened my eyes and saw these factors for what they were months ago but I needed the time to see the differences between our healthy relationship rather than all the unhealthy ones to which I had grown accustomed. The sixth factor that I needed to come to terms with was that sometimes I am a part of our problems. This one hurt a lot to acknowledge. Sometimes He is doing everything in His capabilities to lead our dynamic but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough for me and I get moody or aggravated. Admitting He is enough means that I am finally taking responsibility for my feelings of insecurity, my own errors in judgment and my own lapses in reason…and while that is never easy to do, it certainly is a necessary step to building any partnership, especially one rooted in D/s. Even though He is my Daddy Dom, that doesn’t mean that I am spoiled, entitled or allowed to display unacceptable behaviors. My mindset as a middle is not an excuse to get my own way but rather a child-like extension of the best of me…all the wonder, awe, joy, self-expression, imagination and silliness I hold dear to my heart, I’m finally able to share them with my other half.

    7. Step Seven: Realize You’re Both On The Same Side

    In every relationship I was ever in, I was the one who was in control of the dynamic because I chose partners who would not assume control. Offering and practicing my submission to my Daddy Dom has rendered that cycle obsolete. The seventh factor I needed to accept was that even though we may seem separated by the personal elements of our power exchange, we are actually bound together through both of our shared experiences and common goals. We compliment one another and elevate each other in ways I never thought possible because we have fashioned a dynamic that works for us. I no longer struggle with accepting His will because He never asks for anything unreasonable. I no longer have to question “just for clarity”, the intentions are clear simply because they are His will. That is reason enough to comply. That doesn’t mean we have stopped discussing things together, definitely not, but rather I have seen that we truly are on the same side in all our endeavors and that makes it so much easier to trust Him and our dynamic completely.

    8. Step Eight: Focus on Mindset Rather Than Action

    The main reason our dynamic functions as well as it does and we thrive as a result of our continued efforts is because we have both committed ourselves to the process. We have decided that failure isn’t an option and we know that we will overcome any obstacles in our path together. The eighth factor that i have come to understand is that our D/s is rooted in our shared mindset rather than in sex, scenes, acts of submission or shows of dominance. While all those aspects play instrumental parts in shaping our dynamic, they do not create or drive our dynamic…our devotion to one another and our comittment to our shared goals does that instead. This realization further allows us to roll with the punches of every day life and to build a dynamic that is flexible enough to sustain us for the immediate future while being consistent enough to endure for the long term.

    9. Step Nine: Be The Change You Want To See

    Sometimes being a part of a D/s Caregiver partnership means focusing on my own aspects while the other person deals with their personal issues. The ninth factor that I needed to accept was that D/s isn’t always about checks and balances. Sometimes D/s entails doing what you know you should be doing without praise, guidance or recognition. Dominating and serving can both function independently for short periods of time without any outside acknowledgement from the other partner. Of course, any relationship cannot exist like that for long but sometimes just putting your money where your mouth is and walking the talk can be a powerful inspiration to your counterpart during times of struggle and hardship. If your partner can count on you to pick up the slack when necessary, they are encouraged to put in the extra effort it takes to percivier and triumph…and of course the reverse is true as well.

    10. Step Ten: Focus on the Journey

    There is no finish line for a D/s relationship. BDSM cannot be practiced within a vacuum. The dynamic grows and changes as its participants learn and evolve. It has to…or it becomes stagnant and eventually dies. The tenth factor that I had to acknowledge was that D/s, just like life, is a process and the journey is much more important than any speculated end result or perceived goal. The actions of today aren’t hinged on the actions of yesterday. We can always start over and do better. Does that mean we have no accountability for yesterday? No, of course not…but we do have the opportunity to swallow our pride and do what we know to be right for ourselves, our partner and our relationship.

    These steps highlight the issues i had to deal with and overcome in order to let go of my need for control and begin to truly submit. Unfortunately, it took me almost destroying our relationship before I figured them out. Luckily for me, my Daddy is an understanding and realistic Dominant. He sees the real me, the girl I hide deep inside from almost everyone else and he helps me show her off to the world. He knew that I had been damaged in several ways by my previous relationships long before I met Him. He also knew that it wasn’t His job to fix me or to put up with my irrational bullshit. He made the choice to love a damaged person, knowing it would be a difficult journey but He felt the potential He saw in me and in us was worth the initial investments of time and patience. It was that gesture of acceptance and loyalty which first allowed me to begin to open up to Him and that planted those initial seeds of trust and devotion.

    If you have found someone who loves, cares for and understands the real you, don’t let them go without a fight…and especially don’t let them go because you’re too proud and stubborn to change those aspects of yourself which no longer serve you and hold you back from your true potential and happiness. We are humans are limitless in our potential to overcome the obstacles in our path and in our capacity to love and care for ourselves, our family and our tribe. I will forever respect my Daddy for helping me to learn, understand and practice this valuable lesson and I demonstrate that respect through my complete submission and devotion to Him in the same manner…without limits.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

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    Emotional Anchoring With Words And Phrases

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    *Originally written and posted on Facebook on September 6, 2015

    Words are very powerful. I posted about “Noun Sex” and “Hot Button Word(s)/Phrases” the other day and the intensely positive effects they can have within a dynamic, especially in regards to sexual arousal, orgasm restrictions and orgasm training. Such words and phrases are the catalyst for the creation of an emotional and psychological process called “anchoring”.

    Anchoring is the result of a socio-emotional connection that is facilitated by the repeated use of key word(s) and/or phrase(s) that promote a feeling of connection and closeness within a relationship or family group. The repeated use of such word(s) create and reinforce the positive feelings that bond the parties within a dynamic to each other.  Every time the word(s) or phrase is repeated, new positive memories and feelings are created and built upon, thus reinforcing the original feelings of connection and closeness and enhancing them.

    In our dynamic, my Daddy will say the phrase, “Oh, it’s so cute that you think you have a choice”, and do a very sexy (I think) and slightly Sadistic chuckle when I’m being nervously resistant to a new command or when I’m being playful and teasing Him about completing my tasks or chores. When He says this, i get a very warm feeling throughout my body. Not a sexual feeling necessarily, but a feeling of being owned, safe, loved and cared for…and that’s the result of anchoring.

    Are there any words and phrases that are used as anchors within your dynamic? Mind you, NOT examples of the “noun sex” or “hot button” words or phrases that are used in purely sexual situations…such as “good girl” or “My slut”, etc…but the every day sayings that make you feel owned (for submissives) or in control (for Dominants). If so, which words are part of your dynamics’ anchoring process?

    ~Beautifully Broken~

    A Free Bleeding Scene

    shutterstock_342680309I kneel down on the rug outside of the bathtub and turn the water on. I adjust the temperature and stand up to enter the shower. I quickly shave my entire body of unwanted hair and wash my face. Careful not to wet my pinned up hair, I shift my position and arch my back as i tug the saturated tampon out of my vagina. I pull the shower curtain aside and drop it into the wastebasket. I retrieve the shower wand, immediately putting it to His bloody pussy as I hurriedly wash it clean.

    I kneel before the shower head, still mindful of my dry hair, and turn off the water. Kneeling as I turn the water on and off is a ritual Daddy has requested I follow in order to remind myself of my submissive headspace…I cleanse myself of daily stresses and wash His body in preparation of presentation. I pull back the curtain and insert a new Super plus absorbency tampon, even before stepping out of the shower, so I wouldn’t bleed on the bathmat.

    Cramping and nauseated, I dress slowly and prepare myself to sit through a child’s birthday party. Daddy sees the discomfort on my face and asks if I have taken Ibuprofen yet. I shake my head ‘no’ and accept them straight from His hand into my mouth. I gulp them down with water and thank Him. Daddy asks if my flow is heavy and I tell Him that it is raging.

    “When we come home later tonight, take off your clothes and remove your tampon. Put on a long nightshirt and don’t put on panties”, Daddy says as I continue dressing.

    “Yes, Daddy”, I reply.

    Daddy thanks me and I put on my silver…stud earrings, dangling earrings, eyebrow piercing jewelry…His Training Collar is already around my neck. He returned it to me on our weekend in New York, July 2-3, 2016.

    I attend the party with my family but I become nauseated again after three hours and Daddy tells me to return home. Daddy decides to stay with our boys and gets them changed to go into the pool. He kisses me and tells me to feel better. I thank Him and I begin the short walk home.

    I arrive home and go into the bathroom. I remove my tampon and flush it down the toilet. I take off all my clothes and carry them into our bedroom. I select a black long nightshirt from the closet and put it on. I happily begin my free bleeding task.

    After the children are in bed, Daddy comes into our bed and lays down for His nightly massage. He breathes deeply as I touch and tease His body, relishing the scent of coppery lust in the air. He growls softly in His throat. His Cock is stiff and rigid as He gently pushes me back on the the pillows…and He begins to feed on the blood dripping from my body, licking and suckling on my swollen clit and lips, confident in the fact that all before Him is unequivocally His.

    After He is satisfied and I am shaking, we leave our bed, now damp and perfumed in blood and sex to go to the patio to smoke. Blood and semen are dripping from my thighs and the mixture stains the wooden bench upon which I am seated. When we are finished, we slip back into bed. His love still dripping from me, bloody and slick, as He kisses me goodnight and I snuggle against Him. He is breathing our combined scent deeply, until He is drawn into sleep. I snuggle beside Him and drift off as well, His love still dripping out of His body, carried along all night by the crimson river, which He will taste again before it runs dry.

    ~Beautifully Broken~

    Nightly Rituals

    *Originally written and posted on Facebook on August 4, 2015.  Daddy and I were still involved in our long distance relationships  (LDR) during this time.

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    My Dom and I are long distance, however, W/we keep O/our dynamic active and consistent 24/7. Even from 3,000 miles away, He is in control of my daily life to the absolute best of His ability. He has listed all of my daily tasks, household chores and leisure activities into a single daily routine which I am to follow as closely as possible, unless otherwise instructed, every single day. I have found that i thrive in a structured environment. He has removed almost all of the chaos and doubt from my daily life. He’s demonstrated how I am to simply follow Daddy’s rules and leave the rest to Him. No worrying…no overthinking. This applies as closely as possible during the day…where outside obligations, the needs of our children and my own shortcomings are all apt to derail my efforts at any moment…but it especially applies to that magical hour, known to parents as “After Bedtime”….(sigh ♡)

    “After Bedtime” is when i get to stop focusing so intently on being Mom and begin turning my full attention to my Dominant…to being His submissive, His whore, His little girl. We have several ritualized activities that i am to perform as soon as the boys are in bed. After all the household chores are completed and the boys are in bed, it’s O/our time. I am to strip out of my day clothes and put on just a long night-shirt and thong. I am to exercise if I hadn’t done so earlier in the day for 30-60 minutes. I am to read on any topic of my choice and to write on any topic of my choice for a total of 60 minutes and during tthat time i may journal, read a book or read or write about something Lifestyle-related. I am to shower, shave and wash my hair. Afterwards I check in on the pages I own and the groups i own or admin. Then I either talk to Daddy until my bedtime or i watch a movie and do my nails. At 2:15sm, all electronics are to be put away and i may read in bed until i fall asleep.

    Do you participate in any nightly rituals, either as a Dominant or as a submissive? Have any Doms ever created any ritualized tasks for their submissives? What do you do in your rituals? Are these acts important to you? If so, why?

    ~Beautifully Broken~