I’ve read…and posted…a lot of articles about collars. I’ve posted thousands of photos of collars. Now, i’m even selling collars. I think it’s only fair to discuss the meaning behind collars for a minute.
Most of us know what each level of collar represents within the community as far as the D/s & M/s relationships go…but the personal meaning behind the idea of YOUR collar sometimes gets lost in the translation. I know many s-types and the idea of the “collar” means something different to every single one. The idea is so broad and vast that sometimes even the people within a couple don’t even share the same exact ideology about what their collar should and would mean.
The key to any relationship is open and honest communication. The Lifestyle relationship is no exception. I have personally found that the level of communication and transparency within a relationship dynamic is more evolved that a vanilla relationship, but that’s just me. Just because the option for comminication is available, though, it doesn’t mean it’s always easy to engage.
Discussing our feelings honestly opens us up to a huge amount of vulnerability. That vulnerability can be very scary to face, even with your most trusted of partners. Learning and engaging in clear and effective communication takes time and it takes honesty. It also takes a rather thick skin…which many don’t have naturally. So, honestly discussing what a collar means can be very uncomfortable if both/all parties aren’t on the same page.
I learned long ago that a collar (or a ring, bracelet or tattoo) isn’t the magic pill to a happy relationship. They cannot be forced and if they are, most times, they have absolutely no emotional value whatsoever. The monetary value usually isn’t much either, in my experience. A collar won’t shut someone up about their anxieties and it won’t make them feel more secure if the relationship is of poor quality.
A collar won’t make that poor quality relationship better…it usually only complicates things. Especially if you’ve posted all over social media that you were collared Tuesday and abandoned by Sunday. I’ve seen that in our Lifestyle more times than i can count, unfortunately. You know in your gut if you should collar or be collared or not. Sometimes, it’s just not that point of the relationship yet. Sometimes, it’s not the right relationship at all.
So…what does a collar REALLY mean to you? What does it signify? How was it discussed? What did you have to go thru as a couple/party to get to the place that collaring, at any stage, was right for you? Have you ever had a bad experience with a collaring?
*GIF credit to DDlgdoodles
4 thoughts on “The Idea of A Collaring”
I think this is an excellent question which every submissive will no doubt have a different answer to! For those new to the lifestyle (IMHO) the collar represents the unwritten contract between D and s. It speaks of the connection between the couple and the control which has been given and taken. The newby longs to be taken and owned, in fact, often has had this yearning for many years, and the collar is almost like a wedding ring signifying the bond the couple now has. It shouldn’t be something you put on and take off when you feel like it. It is your Master’s collar.
However, to those of us who have been active in D/s for much longer, a collar is not something taken lightly or to be trifled with. When Sir put my collar on, it was so much more meaningful than when He proposed and when we exchanged wedding rings. He knew I had wanted, craved and needed Domination for most of my life. He was ready to step up and be the Master I needed, and I was ready to give Him complete and total Power. Few new D/s relationships will survive a collaring if it is done in the early days of a relationship! The couple do not even know each other yet.
So to me, a collar is a sacred and precious part of the D/s relationship. If you think it’s just a pretty necklace or a plaything to use in a scene, that’s your choice, but the meaning for those who wear a “real” submissive’s collar is much greater. My collar does not come off unless Sir removes it.
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Good post with lots of good questions …. would you mind if I re-blogged this?
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Thank you. Of course you may 😆